Now that Christmas has come and gone, people are writing their new years resolutions or ranting about how they’re so above writing new years resolution.
But like I explained in this post, I just like writing resolutions for others.
Let’s start next year right. Ladies (and gentlemen, if your curious), I present to you resolutions to help you find Mr. Right next year.
(Note: if you don’t find Mr. Right, thats totally fine too. Maybe kinda awesome).
1. I will not try to be his therapist
Don’t try to guess what he’s thinking. Don’t apply our “lady logic” to his behavior. Its simple, really: he’s thinking about sports and sex.
2. I will not talk too much about my ex
Don’t start trash talking a guy you dated for five years by describing him like he’s the spawn of Hitler. But don’t compliment him either! Who needs that ? If you MUST talk about “the ex”, try a comment like this:
My ex was very kind and I respected his charity work. But he had a face for radio and I just couldn’t handle the butt-chin he was sporting.
3. I will ”Forget” my panties
I know. All you feminists out there are gonna virtually beat me up for this resolution. But if you’re really interested in the guy, I’m fairly confident you’ll score some points if you “forget” your underwear (I hate the word “panties” so I’m not repeating it, but it sounded good as the header).
4. I will not say to him I that I hate guys who fear commitment
I’m pretty sure most guys are afraid of commitment. I mean, most guys have a mild version of ADD. Just take how they watch TV: they tend to just flip channels because they can’t commit to one show. Its like this:
Fox Sports. Click.
Everyday Italian. (this is just to stare at Giada’s Cleavage)
Anyhow, I think most eligible bachelors are just scared of missing out on something. Let it go.
5. I will NOT, under any circumstance say: “I feel fat”
At any time in your dating life (but especially at the early stages) don’t say those words. Let’s be honest, what do yo expect them to do with that? Here’s a typical diaglogue I hear often hear at the food court:
“I feel fat.”
“No way babe, you’re skinny.”
“Oh, go on, you have to say that.”
“No, baby, no. You know what? I hate bony-ass skinny girls. They’re gross.”
“So I’m fat. I’m a big fat pig to you, aren’t I? Maybe I should just not eat this fro yo?!”
“No baby! I mean like you’re not all super sk–”
There you have it, Ladies. And to be honest, after all my horrible dates from this online dating thing, I’m thinking I’m still doing something wrong so don’t take my word for these resolutions. I’m obviously not an expert.
Maybe I just need to complain about being fat more.
Can you think of any dating resolutions or men/women? Whats a mistake you did while dating?
True to form, this recipe has nothing to do with dating. But if your resolution is to eat more vegetables. this cookie recipe might help (its also unintentionally vegan thanks to me being out of eggs). Its also a fairly small batch (for the single ladies out there) so double it if your dating.
(makes about 6 cookies)
- 1/4 tsp baking powder
- 3 Tbs butter/butter substitute of choice
- 1/3 cup of all purpose flour
- 1/4 cup of almond flour (or ap flour or any cool flour you have on hand, i just thought it would add a nuttiness to the texture)
- 1 tbsp. of Ground flax meal
- 2 tbsp. of water
- 1/4 cup of brown sugar
- 1/2 cup of cooked sweet corn (canned or frozen is fine)
- 1/2 cup of chopped roasted macadamia nuts
- 1/2 tsp. of salt
- Preheat your oven to 300 degrees
- Sift your dry ingredients and mix your wet stuff thoroughly with a spatula. (Do not beat)
- Mix your wet and dr yingredients together (everything except the corn and macadamia nuts); again with a spatula not an electric mixer.
- Mix in the corn and macadamia nuts
- Form your cookie dough with wet hands and place (with a good amount space between them) on a greased cookie sheet.
- Bake for 20 – 23 minutes at 300 degrees until golden brown.