Bad news. The family I work for as a private chef is moving to somewhere in middle America. I know, who lives in LA and moves?
Maybe they are lying and can’t stand my food anymore. Or, they are getting too fat for LA’s standards. Its a toss up.
Anyhow, as I’m butchering up a 140% percent organic, grass fed, vegan lamb chop, I wonder… should I get a new job? Surely something will make me more money for less effort! Here are some options I came up with…
Since I’m allergic to dating, maybe I should just force it and reap some money out of it. A non-sexual companion who will buy me dinner and then pay me for my witty quips and superb listening skills. That’s what guys want, right?
What I don’t have is the inhibition to show my goodies in a public forum. I wonder if I could get away with a strip tease down to a tank top and shorts? Plus, my goodies aren’t really worth flaunting. Also, I’ve never been able to walk in heels and although I do yoga, I actually am very stiff for a yogi and I lack acrobatic skills, so I’d probably just run around the pole in circles with no shoes on, attempting to gyrate to the music.
Mailman (or I guess mailwoman in my case)
One thing that I look for in a job is if it requires me to wear a uniform. Having a uniform that I have to wear every day to work saves me the trouble of having to pick my own clothes. The best part? training can’t be that difficult. I don’t really pay attention much, so I can imagine going into a profession that my many years of school have provided me no training for would be daunting. Alas, I’m not so good at legos, so I might have problems putting the mail into the mailbox. I might put it on the top of the box, or stuff it into the mail post. If I don’t find a mailbox I would probably go into some sort of blind panic. That’s part of the job though, and it wouldn’t be a job if there wasn’t some risk involved.
Since prop 19 didn’t pass, it’s clear this career path still offers plenty of job security. And there’s plenty of stoners I can hit up. Heck, my own family will probably be my best clientele. My dad’s nurse from the chemo treatments recommended he start smoking joints. The only problem may be that I still can’t figure out the difference between an ounce and a gram. Also there’s a good chance I’ll smoke away all my product…and then I’ll get the munchies….and then I’ll get fat….and there goes my chance for being an escort!
I’ll be honest on this one. Since I dont drink, the only reason I’d want to be a bartender is because in the movies they’re depicted as so cool. I mean, look at Cocktail, Tom Cruise flips the drink bottles all the time and everyone cheers for him. Everyone holds some sort of reverence for bartenders. And those Coyote Ugly chicks are hot and fearless. Part of me wants to have their confidence and badassness. But if its bad ass I’m going for, I should really consider….
I mostly want this job because I’ve never been a badass before, and this is my big chance. I can say things like “the juice is running,” or “pay up before I smash in both your knee caps”. Also, I plan to embezzle funds.
What careers are you considering?
As I mentioned in the beginning of the post, all this came up while I was making these chops. To recreate it you will need:
- 3/4 teaspoon dried rosemary
- 1/4 teaspoon dried basil
- 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
- salt and pepper to taste
- 4 lamb chops (3/4 inch thick)
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 2 minced garlic cloves
- 1/4 cup minced onions
- 1/3 cup aged balsamic vinegar
- 3/4 cup chicken broth
- small artichokes (totally optional on the side)
- 1 tablespoon butter
In a small bowl or cup, mix together the rosemary, basil, thyme, salt and pepper. Rub this mixture onto the lamb chops on both sides. Place them on a plate, cover and set aside for 15 minutes to absorb the flavor. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Place lamb chops in the skillet, and cook for about 3 1/2 minutes per side for medium rare, or continue to cook to your desired doneness. Remove from the skillet, and keep warm on a serving platter.Add onions and garlic to the skillet, and cook for a few minutes, just until browned. Stir in vinegar, scraping any bits of lamb from the bottom of the skillet, then stir in the chicken broth. You can place the artichokes or whatever veggies you want at this point so they can “get happy” with the sauce as it reduces. Continue to cook and stir over medium-high heat for about 5 minutes, until the sauce has reduced by half. If you don’t, the sauce will be runny and not good. Remove from heat, and stir in the butter. Pour over the lamb chops.