Some places are great self esteem boosters because they make you feel really intelligent.
I can’t think of where those places are for me at the moment because my brain just farted so here’s a list of places where I feel like a total idiot:
1. The Apple Store.
I used to have an anti-Apple stance.
But I confess, I bought an apple syringe and injected myself with the Kool-Aid and now I’ll never go back to Windows or BBM’s. But Apple isn’t perfect and like all technology, at some point, maintenance is required and I visit the “Genius Bar”.
I’m obviously not a genius because:
A) Geniuses fix their own computers
Hence I proceed feel inferior, dumb, and vulnerable and when they hand me a scary $800 quote under fluorescent lighting, yea, idiot pretty much covers it.Bwahahahaha! I’m a genius, dammit!
2. The Gym
I hate the gym.
I go to the gym, but I hate the gym.
The gym actually keeps my former exercise addiction at bay because when I’d overexercise, I’d get self conscious and its just fucking weird seeing a skinny girl on a treadmill for 5 hours. But everyone at the gym thinks they’re “experts”. When I pick up a set of weights, the trainers eye-judge me and they don’t correct my form because I know what good form is, they just think they know a better move.
“Bicep curls? That’s SO 1990! These days we do this twisty thing with a rope suspended from that wall while flinging a kettle bell towards the sky whilst twisting your torso like you’re a mermaid!”
That’s OK. I’ll remain clueless and walk around with flabby arms.
3. The Hospital
Having lost both of my parents to cancer, the hospital is far too familiar.
And I always feel like a moron when I’m in one. Never mind that fact that its filled with doctors that think and probably do know everything.
Its so pristine, and organized, and I feel like I’ll break something or someone just by thinking about something weird. Also, everyone is in a pissy mood in the hospital and thus, a common place to talk down to someone.
The internet in general is a cesspool of insecurity.
But leave it to google to make you feel like a total dumb-ass. Google reminds me I have no sense of direction, that I can’t speel for shite.Ahh google, you’re right again!
5. A Store Where I Can’t Afford to Buy Anything.
Sales associates have this ability to sniff people like me out. People that have that”Fuck-I-can’t-afford-shit-at-this-store” face.
I don’t know why I feel like an idiot at the this store, but it seems like everyone at these sorts of store has a higher level of education or at least a legacy or something that made them ostentatious and rich. Plus, I don’t know how to pronounce the designer names when I probably speak better french than anybody at the store.sounds cheap to me.
Where do you feel like your brain farts or abandons you altogether? Which atmosphere’s or people make you feel the most insecure?
I’ve realized its been far too long without recipe posting and a lot of it is due to the fact that I’ve been traveling a lot this past month and have a whole new set of responsibilities now that my father is gone. But I promise to have more in the near future now that I’m back. So today, I have a “sorta” recipe because its not really recipe. Its more like an “idea”
(PS, I hate it when people think they have a “recipe”and it ends up being stirring together some oatmeal and peanut butter or whatever).
So I was lucky to get invited to a wonderful lunch at a Ranch not far from LA.I’m so shallow that I’m only friends with other beautiful people.
Since I’m afraid of the calories in real soda, I naturally ordered a diet coke. The bartender/waiter (not sure who put the drinks together) accidentally put lavender in my drink because they have a lavender cocktail on their menu and the guy messed up or was stoned or whatever.
Anyhow, I decided to try it anyway and I just thought I’d share with you the simple “idea”:
Lavender Coke (or Diet Coke if calories scare you)
1. Pour Coke.
2. Sprinkle lavender.
3. Boom.It makes your farts smell good too!
Your burps will smell wonderful.