Yo, Momma…

by Eden on December 26, 2011

Dear Ima (what I called my mom),

Tonight is the eighth night of Hanukkah which means its been eleven years since you passed away. I actually hate writing “passed away”. What a lame euphemism. I’ll just say you “kicked the oxygen habit”.

Anyhow, it being the anniversary of you “kicking the oxygen habit”, I found it appropriate to write to you instead of stew in the sadness.

I’ll begin by bluntly admitting that life sure sucks without you. Its so obnoxious listening to girls gab about how annoying their moms are when they comment on their wasted photos of themselves on facebook. Oh right, you don’t know what facebook is…eh, I’ll spare you the details. Anyhow, I feel like punching most people that complain about their moms. It was especially tough in high school. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to take dad to get bras and tampons? Ok, its not as embarrassing as farting loudly with Brad Pitt in front of you, but you get the idea. Bottom line: I wanted you around.

I often think about what life would be like if you were around. I’m not sure 2011 could handle you. I mean, I know if they had iphones back when you were around, you would super glue that thing to your palm. You’d text and drive, look up shit on google and drive, online shop and drive…oh mom, you were a great many things but you were a terrible driver.

Oh and who can forget about the whole “pot” thing!

Janetha and I found one on Venice Beach

Yes mom, you would no longer need to grow your own weed because you can use it for “medicinal” purposes in California! I found it hilarious you grew weed next to your azaleas. You always did have a green thumb. I totally didn’t get that gene. All plants in my house die within days.  I’m like the grim reaper of house plants.

But lately, I REALLY want you around. I’ll be honest, life is shitty right now. Dad has terminal brain cancer. I know. Fucking cancer.  First you with boob-cancer and now him…this is a horrible family trend. You’d think with being able to shop online while driving that they would have cured cancer by now.

I’m trying to be strong and take care of myself while taking care of dad, but I’ll admit: I’m better at taking care of others. You were so good at both and hence I really hope I grow to be even half the incredible woman you were. I know I got your sense of humor, but honestly, I’m way funnier than you. Seriously, mom. I’m like, really funny. And I don’t say that too people when I meet them cause that automatically makes you unfunny so lets just keep that between you and me. Ok?

This is actually NOT me, its my sister in 1974 (half sister who's a whopping 15 years older than me)

Ok, I’m gonna wrap this up so you can go back to talking to Elvis or Amy Winehouse or whoever else is up there.

I miss you lots.

-Eden

I know you guys left questions about Hanukkah from this post and I will answer them tomorrow. But the the eighth night is very emotionally loaded for me so this letter what you got πŸ˜‰

No real question today. Just tell me something about your mom that you wish rubbed off on you. And give your mom a hug if you can :)

I

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{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

Autumn December 26, 2011 at 11:20 pm

What a beautiful entry, Eden. My answer: My mother’s humility. I’m a reasonably humble person, but she will never, ever take credit for anything. And from a feminist point of view I can easily get all “enough with the dismissal of your own accomplishments”–and that is a problem–but I could also take a cue from the way in which she’s just totally unassuming. She does her thing and never asks for credit. It’s amazing.

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:07 am

I always try to be humble. My favorite quote is from Golda Meir: “Don’t be humble, you’re not that great”. I’m usually afraid of taking credit for anything cause I’m afraid everything i do will end up badly and i just don’t want to be blamed.

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Joy December 26, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Ohhh Eden hugs!
Cancer sucks!!
(I write my mom letters on her “anniversary” too)

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:07 am

Thanks so much Joy. I squeeze that stone you sent me when I feel emotionally weak.

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Eleah December 27, 2011 at 12:01 am

Despite my mothers religious commitment, she is loving and open to everybody she meets. She’s the woman who invites you over the second she hears you’re alone on a holiday.. even if the rest of the family doesn’t agree.
Well wishes to you, Eden, on this painful night.

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Claire December 27, 2011 at 12:29 am

I wish I didn’t know exactly how you feel. Reading your blog is uncanny. My father is sick, my mother died when I was a child. The hardest thing to date was planning my wedding alone… but thankfully I was graced with her ability to get along with almost anyone. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to her in those moments where you would otherwise throw something pointy at someone mean. The thing I wish was handed down was her letter writing ability! She had friends all over the world and kept up with them- pre email… now that’s impressive. I have all the wonders of the electronic world and still can’t manage to keep up with everyone! Ah well, we all have our flaws.
I hope you can fill your night with lots of wonderful memories of your mother. All the best xxx

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:08 am

Aw, I’m sorry this is all too familar to you. My mom got along with nearly everyone too. I’d like to think I’m the same way. I think I do get along with most people even though most people secretly annoy me πŸ˜‰

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cindylu December 27, 2011 at 12:35 am

What a lovely letter. I wonder what your mom would think about Facebook.

I adore my mom. She’s generous, resourceful and extremely hardworking (she works three jobs and still takes care of our family including her 89 and 91 year old parents). I always marvel at her ability to be the hostest with the mostest. A few years ago, my parents were having their kitchen redone. We didn’t have a working kitchen for a summer and made do with lots of barbecuing and microwaving. I planned a small birthday party. She made it come together in a day without an actual kitchen.

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:09 am

wow, you’re mom was hardworking. And whipping all that up without a kitchen? she needs to write a cookbook.

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Jessy December 27, 2011 at 2:12 am

Aw Eden, this post almost made me tear up a little. I have to admit I’m one of those people that are often ”mean” to their mom, even though I love her and I’m very proud of her. We aren’t really affectionate in our family and being sweet to each other seems weird – even though we don’t have any big problems/fighting or anything like that, we just aren’t one of those touchy-touchy families … I’ve always wished we were. One thing I most admire about my mother is her strength – she has been through a lot (lost her dad when she was 2, her mother worked so her grandma looked after her, they were really poor, abusive husband, etc.).

PS: I had no idea you had a sister, you never mention her!

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Rachel December 27, 2011 at 3:53 am

How beautiful, Eden. I wish I had more of my mom’s strength. She’s been though a lot of shit, handled it with a lot of grace and class, and has learned to keep her head up and to keep going. I’m more inclined to pull a blanket over my head & try to hide!

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OldZelda December 27, 2011 at 4:05 am

My mom was sweet and waif-ish. People seemed to want to take care of her like a lost child, including me, from the time I was a child. She died at 39, but when I think of her I always feel like she was in some way my child. Actually, I was the child at the time (19 years old). She gave me maturity at a young age (though in a roundabout way.) She could never have known it would be something I needed. God gives us the parents we need.
Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. She raised a wonderful daughter.

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Cameo December 27, 2011 at 5:24 am

That was really sweet and so perfectly dabbled with Eden humor. Brilliant. I am sending you lots of love. xo

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Heidi December 27, 2011 at 5:32 am

My mom died from breast cancer too and I know EXACTLY how you feel about wanting to punch those girls who complain about their moms in the face. What do I wish I had inherited from her? Her eternal optimism. I am definitely a glass half empty kind of girl and my mom always saw the glass as being half full, even at the end. Oh-and now I have my own 2 little girls and I often think of what they are missing by not knowing her-and about how much she would have loved them!

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Shannon December 27, 2011 at 5:53 am

Oh Eden. That was beautifully written. It made me tear up. Just want to let you know I am thinking of you and all you are dealing with right now. You are an amazing chick who is an awesome support to others and so full of light, love, and humor! Take care of yourself!

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Missy December 27, 2011 at 6:06 am

I’ve been thinking of you alot during this time (althougt I thought it was the 28th?) but I mostly understand how you feel, but not exactly since I had my Mom up until 5 years ago – but the pain, loss, and missing her desperately is the same. I think I told you in an email once about my inability to handle these chics downgrading their mothers. I even told one that I wish I had my Mom to argue with. That shut her up quick.
But I wish I had gotten my Mom’s unselfishness and her sunny good mood. She actually had the nickname Sunshine because she honestly had that type of persona. But of all my sisters, I at least do look the most like her! πŸ˜‰
Hugs to you and hope your Dad is still feeling good!

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Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning December 27, 2011 at 6:36 am

Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am to have both of my parents alive and healthy. I take things for granted way too often, but you remind me that I shouldn’t.
Big hugs to you!

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Asian Bitch December 27, 2011 at 6:56 am

You can punch me in the face: I’m one of those nasty brats who always complain about their mom (well, not because she comments on my wasted pictures on FB but because of my imaginary eating disorder). I take a lot of things for granted, and it makes me cringe when I realize it!
I wish I had my mom’s ”GET THE FUCK OVER IT” attitude. And her ability to make yummy chinese scallion pancakes.

p.s: I don’t get the pot thing…?

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:26 am

Oh don’t be silly. Trust me, I think if my mom were alive, I’d be complaining about something. Its only natural. I am sorry your mom is not supportive about your eating disorder. I know lots of people with parents that just don’t get. The important thing is that you are very wise yourself and can look beyond that. Deep down, you know what’s right and wrong.
Oh, the pot thing? Well, its legal to get marijuana in California if you use it for “medicinal” purposes. Like if you have cancer…

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:29 am

oh, and i forgot to mention my mom used to grow her own pot. she wasn’t a drug addict but it helped relieve the chemo side affects.

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Rachael December 27, 2011 at 7:00 am

I wish I would have read this yesterday, my dad would have been 80 yesterday. It was an emotional day for me too. What a beautiful tribute to your mother.

My favorite thing about my mom is our friendship. She is my best and I am blessed to have her. :)

I hope to someday be as generous as my Mother.

I hate people talking badly about their dads having lost mine. Don’t people get it? It’s a blessing to have parents. Your mom is beautiful. :)

PS- My half siblings are over 35 years older than me. People think they are my parents.

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Felicia December 27, 2011 at 7:42 am

my heart goes out to you girl- over the years i’ve learned to love my mom for who she is and understand her more, which has allowed me to let go of unnecessary petty crap and appreciate her even more. my favorite thing about her is how unbelievable loving she is to everyone. i don’t think i could ever be as loving and caring as she is, but i can try..
your mom was beautiful! my dad was diagnosed with cancer this summer, and its given me a totally different perspective and appreciation for both of my parents

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List December 27, 2011 at 8:45 am

crying over here. hugs for you.
gosh – she was gorgeous – that hair!

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Jessica @ Stylish Stealthy and Healthy December 27, 2011 at 9:11 am

I know this is going to sound super cheesy, but reading this, my heart breaks for you. Even though my mom and I had a rough patch during my punk-rocker-date-huge-douches-over-dramatic high school years, I can’t imagine my life without her. I’m sure your mom is so proud of you though and the ultimate guardian angel.

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Amanda December 27, 2011 at 9:36 am

Not going to lie, I probably complain about my mom more than I should. My dad’s parents and my mom’s dad died when they were my age and now that I’m almost 30, it’s really hit me that I’m damn lucky to have them around. So cutting back on the complaining.

You really would think they’d have cured cancer instead of inventing online shopping while driving. I laughed out loud at that.

I hope that one day I can be as strong as my mom. She’s been through a lot. Breaking almost every bone, a coma (!!!), surgeries, 5 births without any meds (seriously, wtf.) and an annoying teen-aged daughter with a sassy attitude (yours truly) and she is still strong. Her best friend committed suicide a few months after my mom’s dad died. Yet, she still went through the motions of motherhood while her world was crashing down. I didn’t appreciate it then, I do now.

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StoriesAndSweetPotatoes December 27, 2011 at 10:07 am

This is beautiful Eden. Thank you for sharing.

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Susan December 27, 2011 at 11:12 am

Sending lots of love to you today Eden. Happy Hanukkah.

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Alex December 27, 2011 at 11:17 am

Other people moaning about their Mums – with you on that one. Or saying something fun they’ve done with their Mum… or even just saying they spoke on the phone. Every time.

I wish I had her ability to keep up with everyone in her life. She was constantly surrounded by amazing friends and so many people cared about her. I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people, even those I really love. The number of Christmas cards we got this year, compared to what we’d get when she was here, was pretty embarrassing. Need to work on that.

And I wouldn’t mind her legs. She had hot legs.

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julie December 27, 2011 at 12:54 pm

loved this. i know pretty much everything about my mom rubbed off on me but i HOPE that people one day think i have a big heart like deej does. she’s the best woman in the entire world and i wouldn’t know what to do in life if she wasn’t around. xoxoxo i think you’d like her so feel free to come hang with us one day πŸ˜‰

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Sara December 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm

This is beautiful, Eden. I’m so sorry. And people are stupid. I remember my former boss standing in the middle of our cubicles saying something stupid about getting chocolate from her dad that morning for Valentine’s Day and how lame it was. You know what was more lame? Not getting chocolate from my dad that day because he had died almost 20 years before that…on Valentine’s Day. Yeah, so that sucks more. Anyway, I will hug my mom tonight!

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janetha December 27, 2011 at 1:26 pm

such a touching post. i cannot imagine how much you miss your mom. i know mine is my very best friend, and not having her around would be the pits. i love you, lady. i was a little MIA over the weekend, but thank you for texting me after my accident. <3

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dorit December 27, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Eden,I was just thinking about her today

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dorit December 27, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Eden,I was just thinking about her today and wish to tell you , meod ahavty et ima afilou im hayinou rechokot!!!
I remember coming to L.A when you were 1 year old ans had so many talks with Leora about children…. she promised me one day I’ll have mine and see what is she talking aobut ………I admit it, notihng better! She really did a great job with you and what a dammed shame she left so soon! Lots of love to you and Loulou and” keep your head up”! Dorit!

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lindsay December 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm

i love reading the relationship you have with your mom. I know she has “kicked the oxygen tank” but she is still very alive in you. And dang, she is HAWT!
You are one freakin strong woman. I can’t hug my mom right now cause she is on the other side of the world, so i will hug my mother in law when I see her in a few days.
Hugs to you from afar!

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jack24 December 27, 2011 at 4:13 pm

my biggest hug ever is being sent to you. my mum isalong with my father my best friend. thank you for this post. take care, you are one tough lady, your mum was too.

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Danna Y December 27, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Eden… This made me so sad. I miss your mom too just so you know. I really loved her. I am so sorry you have to go through all this but know that I think of you often and try sending you and your wonderful dad lots of love from across the ocean.

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Ellen December 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I know I don’t know you in person but I am sending you and your family cyber mega-hugs. And thank you for reminding me to be extra grateful for my mum.

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Sherri December 27, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Beautiful letter to your mom. I admit it made me cry. I lost my mom in 2005 and miss her every day, but holidays are the hardest. I wish I had my mom’s cooking skills, her outgoing personality, and her sense of humor.
Take care of yourself! :)

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Oh, no! What is it with people crying and this post!? Holiday’s suck when it comes to lost ones. We are so used to having the ones we love around us and we feel their absense more. Thanks for de-lurking :)

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Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry December 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Aww, Eden. This was a beautiful (yet still funny!) post to your mom. I can’t believe she passed away on the 8th night of Hanukkah. That is awful. Your family really does not seem to have the best luck. I hope that you are forever cancer-free, and I am also sending you and your fam cyber mega hugs!!!! times a million!

I’m cyber hugging my mom as well, as she lives across the country. And I’m just going to say that she is a little bit crazy…. But I will not complain! I’m happy that some of her laid-back personality rubbed off on me.
xoxo

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Naomi(onefitfoodie) December 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm

love you and thinking about you and i mean REALLY thinking about you. We need to meet one day….i feel like you are my long lost sissstahhh. My mom just had major shoulder surgery on friday so I am taking care of her like a little baby haha…seriously tieing her pants after she pee’s and helping her to eat with untensils…I can tell this is how its going to be when shes elderly

love you lady! xox you are such an amazing and beautiful person

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Eden December 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm

aw, Naomi…I’m so sorry to hear that about your mom. I’m all too used to surgeries and what not. Stay strong and you know my email when you need to vent or anything at all. πŸ˜‰ You for sure have a place to stay if you come to LA.

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Klh December 27, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Such a beautiful post <3

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Nicole C December 28, 2011 at 9:27 am

I hate cancer, it can suck a big fat..nevermind, it sucks. My Mom survived 2 different types of cancer in 18 months, I thought I knew how strong she was but never could I imagine that much strength. Everyone says she is one special person upon meeting her, she glows. Some say I have her dorky personality, I hope so. I wish I could be as socially outgoing as her. It’s a work in progress. I forgot to call her and tell her how awesome she is today, thanks for the reminder <3

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Kat December 28, 2011 at 10:52 am

Sending you hugs…thinking of you often, xo.

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Sarah December 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm

I actually didnt read this post.. My aunt died unexpectedly last month and it still hurts to breathe any time i think about it or the fact that shes not here. But i wanted you to know that your in my thoughts and prayers. No one should ever have to deal with the loss of a loved one, let alone some one so close. Your an incredibly strong person. I hope you had a good Hanukkah.

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Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) December 30, 2011 at 8:31 am

What a great letter Eden. I am sure that your mom is looking down on you with pride. I wish my mom’s patience wore off on me. I

I too hate when people complain about their moms. My mom is in a care home, and completely immobile due to her MS. I would give anything to have her back the way she was about 10 years ago.

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Thoa January 1, 2012 at 7:28 am

Thanks for the beautiful reminder to be more grateful to my family members Eden. I live halfway around the world and did not go home for the holidays so the only thing I did was call home though I know my family deserves way more than just a phone call.

Your letter was very well-written and graced with Eden humor all around. I really admire your strength, persistence and honesty.

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Cammy January 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

(Late again, catching up, hate that I missed this when you first posted it). It sounds like your mother was an amazing woman, and I’m sure she was–and would be today–so grateful to have a funny, smart, generally badass daughter like you. I would imagine that having you was a life-saver to your dad when he was facing that loss. I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a mother, but thanks for the reminder not to take them for granted, this was a really moving post and I hope that you’re doing okay.

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