When You Don’t Have A Mom on Mother’s Day

by Eden on May 11, 2014

I haven’t had a mother for mother’s day since I was 13. Even though its been over decade since I lost her, Mother’s Day stings now just like it did back then.

Whether or not you lost a mother, one day you will. Hence I thought I’d prep you for when the “mother-less Mother’s Day” will approach.

 

1) Prepare To Be Slightly Annoyed (or even very annoyed)

The first few years after my mom passed, I was bitter towards mother’s day. I’d often get asked,

“Hey! Are you doing anything special with your mom for Mother’s Day?”

Inside my head thought,

“No, you moron. My mom’s is DEAD!”

After marinating for a few years without a mother, that bitterness eventually diminished. However with social media being in my face so much, all the mom gushing and the detailed Facebook posts of Mother’s Day can get on my nerves. But I’ve learned to just let go of the animosity. I will never not miss my mom, but I’ve learned to live and be happy without her physically in my life.

2) You Will Be Pressured To Do Some Sort of Memorial

Try googling “how to survive Mother’s Day with a dead mom” and you’ll get tons of articles suggesting you light candles, visit their grave, change your Facebook profile picture to an old photo of your mom, or do some sort of activity in their memory.

While that sounds nice and lovely, I personally don’t like to do that. Doing all that just makes me sad, and if I really wanted to please my mom, being all mopey and sad is the last thing she’d want me to do. Instead, I try do just do whatever I need to do to be happy (this usually includes binge-watching on Netflix and I’m ok with that).

This is a very accurate self portrait

 

3) You Will Realize Mother’s Day Kinda Sucks Anyway

You really don’t know what you’ve got till its gone.

When you don’t have a proper Mother’s Day anymore, I think you start to realize what a stressful holiday it actually is. Even for those with living mothers. Some people have awful relationships with their mom and this holiday just amplifies the pain their mom caused.

This holiday can even be stressful for those with good relationships. There’s pressure to call your mother, get her a gift, take her out to brunch, find the perfect card, etc. If you’re genuinely appreciative of your mom, every day is Mother’s Day. You really don’t need one day a year to prove it.

Am I against Instagramming pictures of your mom or serving her a lavish breakfast in bed?

(cue picture I Instagrammed of my mom and I last year)

Absolutely not. But we should try to remember to do nice things for our loved ones year round, whether it be moms, dads, or even friends.

Now if you would excuse me, there’s a Netflix binge I need to get to.

 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Raffi May 11, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Great post. While it’s fun to see old photos of friends/family, I get weirded out by the whole “I have the best mom in the world…” comments – it just seems like a competition to see who can love their mom the most. Expressing appreciation for loved ones shouldn’t need a public declaration one day a year.

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Abby May 12, 2014 at 5:26 am

I was thinking about you–and many others–yesterday. But to be honest, I think any holiday is kind of rough and semi-bullshit when you don’t have a “normal” family. There’s so much pressure for it to be “that day” and happy and blah blah blah when in reality, one day doesn’t really change the other 364. Anyway, I won’t ramble about the social media mom martyrs and how annoying they are, but I hope you were able to take care of yourself and still enjoy the blessings you have. You DO have so many blessings ;)

XO

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