Things are heating up with my boyfriend, Mr. Mittens.
We’re starting to take our relationship to the next level. Now it’s beyond just going out on dates. We’re at the point where we start doing chores together.
Like most couples, we’ll make all the other shoppers’ experience insufferable:
Walking as slowly as possible around the store together, savoring every moment and blocking everyone else trying to shop in the aisles. Having detailed discussions over creamy or crunch peanut butter, possibly arguing about mercury levels in canned tuna, and of course engaging in excessive and obnoxious PDA.
Dry humping in frozen food aisle perhaps?
Insufferable as we may be, we look damn good doing it.