Things I Pretend I Enjoy

by Eden on March 24, 2013

We often do things we don’t like,

I think most of us don’t realize that we do lots of things that we try to pretend to enjoy when deep down, we just want out.

Here are my things:


1) Going to a “Mixer

Unless I know at least two or three of in attendance, I think these are boring.

I don’t mind meeting new people, but I don’t like being thrown into a bar with overpriced drinks and encouraged to “mingle”. These can also be a drag when you do know people there. Cause then you look all “cliquey” and everyone hates you. Anyhow, I go to these cause I often have to for work and I totally fake having a good time like the people in the picture below.

Oh and can we not call it a “mixer”. It sounds like a kitchen appliance I’d put on a wedding registry.


2) Doing a “Walk”

I like hiking and strolling in a park or whatever. I don’t like those walk/runs with hundreds if not thousands of people. I’ve done one or two for cancer but the whole time this is what goes on in my head,

“Why do people do this or fun? How the fuck are people smiling during this? Holy fuck, I want a burrito!”


3) Pedicures

The sole reason I get pedicures is because I like having nice, non-hobbit looking feet.

However, I’m so fucking ticklish that pedicurists black-list me as the most obnoxious client ever. Its not only that I just laugh, its that I also can’t contain my reflexes and I end up moving my toes when they’re trying to cut my cuticles or whatever. Don’t even get me started when they scrub my heels! I bite my bottom lip (and not in that “50 Shade of Grey” way) and hold on the chair for dear life when they do that!

But I put up with it regardless and get pedicures anyway. Cause I rather pretend everything is totally fine and withstand the laughter than have a foot that could’ve been in the Hobbit.


4) Dating

I hate dating.

I like dating with someone you’re already in a relationship with cause that’s usually fun. But the early process of “dating” is awful and I hate it.

It’s basically a potential sex interview. This is why I much rather be friends with the guy first and get to know him without the pressure that I need to be romantic. That way I can forgo the whole “dating interview” process where you discover how physcho that person is. Unless I’m dating someone I have a crush on, it just feels like another thing I’m obligated to do.


5) Thongs

There seems to be three types of people.

People that hate butt floss, or people that not only love thongs, they will not speak to you if they see your panty lines.

And then there’s Sisqo:

I’m the of the butt floss kind, although I admit I wear them when I absolutely have to. Because I might bump into the ones that don’t speak to the “panty-liners” and I couldn’t very well have people hate me.

Actually, fuck that. I could use some haters.


What do you often pretend you enjoy or don’t mind when you secretly hate? And just cause I’m curious, wear do you stand on the thong debate?

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Ellen March 25, 2013 at 10:29 pm

I used to try to pretend that I enjoyed “partying” aka going to sucky loud bars where everyone seems to be having a marvelous time. I now own the fact that I “party” in quiet places sipping fancy wine and cocktails like a bar snob.
As for thongs-evil. Better to go with nothing if concerned with pantylines…


Matthew Graczyk March 25, 2013 at 10:57 pm

My secret hell is going to live professional sporting events, especially when you’re invited by someone (like a vendor) who thinks they’re doing you a favor. Who wants to brave the traffic, parking and crowds and the rest of the drama? That’s 5 hours of my life to watch an hour of sports! If I’m interested in the game I’d much rather sit on my comfy couch with pause, rewind and slo-mo on a big-screen. That being said, I would give my left nut to watch Lionel Messi lead FC Barcelona against Madrid live (futbol).

As for where I stand on thongs, personally I find they chafe my cheeks.


jack24 March 27, 2013 at 5:48 pm

enjoying other people waffle on with their boring jibber jabber. thongs=NOOOO


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