Questions For My Deceased Parents

by Eden on August 7, 2013

Its been a little over a year that I’ve been roaming this earth without biological parental supervision.

(I’ve been busy building pillow forts, buying multi-colored cereal, and having nightly house parties.)

OK, I’m behind on the house parties, but lets be serious for a second: losing a parent, let alone both, is hard no matter what age you are when it happens.

Being in my mid twenties, I still feel slightly unprepared, somewhat “orphaned”, a little uneasy, and filled with questions for my parents.

Some of these questions are sentimental, some purely curious, but hopefully they won’t bore you to death because I’m posting them.

 

1) To my Mom: Where’s your wedding dress?

Seriously, I know its so very 80′s and dated, but I’d still like to know where it is. I’ve looked everywhere and almost put up a “missed connections” craigslist ad for it.

Cue picture of my parents wedding (yes, that’s me in it, I’m a bastard!)

2) To my dad: What’s your Netflix password?

Seriously, the TV in the house is hooked up to it, so its all set for me to indulge in “Arrested Development” and “Hous o Cards” except I don’t know the password! I tried every pet’s name, birthdays, etc.

On the bright side, I’m now a fan of Hulu.

 

3) To My Mom: So I like this boy…what should I do?

Being raised by my dad as a teen, my flirting skills suffered. I got along with guys better hence usually condemned to an eternity of “friend-zone”.

I also envy that my friends get to whine to their parents about their love lives or lack thereof. I feel uncomfortable sobbing to my friends when I’m my heart is broken because I think I sound obnoxious and whiny.

I miss having that older, wiser person that loves me unconditionally reminding me that I’m a worthy and lovable person, even in the “friend-zone”.

 

4) To both my parents: Do you want me to marry and have kids?

I’ve never bothered to ask my parents this because boys were the last thing on my mind when they were alive, but I am curious if my parents had a preference.

Did they want me to marry a doctor like most Jews do?

Did they even care if he WAS Jewish? (kinda doubt it, since my dad dated non-Jews after my mom passed away, or as I like to called them “goylfriends”)

Did they want me to have kids?

When it comes down to it, I don’t REALLY care about they thought about my future husband or the future of my ovaries.

Cause I’m pretty sure I know their answer: that I they should just do what makes me happy.

(and happiness is pretty much gettin busy in a pillow fort)

 

5) To Both My Parents: Can You Watch Out For Me?

Since losing both my parents, for the first time I’ve started to actually worry about me.

So parents:

Maybe it’s a positive thing, maybe it sounds vain, but losing you guys made me want to live life so much more. I don’t know what happens when people die, but if you can do anything in making sure I get some time on this planet to do all that I want, please go ahead and do that.

 

What would you like to ask your parents (even they’re alive and well)?

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole C August 8, 2013 at 12:25 pm

First off, my non jewish brother still thinks your are the most beautiful girl ever and I’ve never heard him say that about any girl.

I don’t know what I would ask my parents, I feel like I have asked everything because my mind wanders. Like Mom, why am I not built like you are? I wouldn’t mind knowing if she had her original wedding dress either. That’s a worthy question. Or maybe, Dad why are you a borderline hoarder?

My friends call my Mom for advice, she would gladly listen to whatever you need or give advice. Trust me, it’s even the kind where you know the answer but don’t want her to say it. Life experience wins everytime. On the advice on boys part, I recently heard a quote of ‘seek answers from people you wouldn’t mind being like’. I’ve taken advice from people who were miserable in their relationship and yikes, bad idea.

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jack24 August 10, 2013 at 4:43 pm

I agree, always random stuff, noting profound, I think that needs to change. thanks for making me realise. advice on anything we are all here for you for totally unsolited and non scientific advice

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Kristina August 29, 2013 at 7:33 pm

when I took over the management of Dad’s estate back in January, he gave me several passwords to bank accounts, etcetera. there were many, and they were all different.

…but I am now using what I see as a pattern to figure out passwords for the little things like Netflix and Facebook. it’s a puzzle.

I really feel I was given a gift of time – 22 months – with Dad. especially the last several months, where I really did nothing but sit by his side. his only form of communication was his iPad and texting, but man, we had that down. I could also lip read like nobody’s business (his whole nursing staff was impressed, these were like daytime party tricks!), and we had all kinds of conversations. I think I asked him everything I wanted to.

except that Netflix password.

XXO

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Eden August 29, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Been thinking a lot about you, Kris. Didn’t want to bombard you with emails just yet as I’m sure you’ve got lots of things on your mind, but I’m here if you need to shoot the shit or if you need someone to listen. XOXO

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Ethan Carter December 23, 2013 at 1:21 pm

What an amazing post! As I was reading it, I thought about a lot of things. Things that I probably don’t address because I know that to do so, would be a futile endevour. My mum and me went separate ways when I was 14 and I didn’t meet my dad till I was 30 (he passed away a few years after). I guess I always wanted parents, but rarely felt I had them. I guess if anything I wonder what they would have thought of my decisions in life? Whether they would have liked them or not? As a writer, fight choreographer and actor, I guess I’ve missed that pat on the back from parents that other people get. I maybe even missed hearing a “well done Ethan!” each time I achieved a career milestone. So, although I’m not technically an orphan, I understand that feeling of uncertainty you might feel and I also understand that longing to have some wise advice of an elder. I guess when it’s all said and done, all we can do is our best. Anyway, thank you for writing this post.

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