Maple Thyme Pumpkin Muffins and Annoying Dinner Dates

by Eden on October 24, 2011

Its been a while since I’ve posted replies to my online dating messages.

And I bet you guys are wondering if I ever actually went on dates.

Well, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’ve had more first dates than 2nd and 3rd dates (haha, 3rd date. That’s hilarious). After a  “just drinks” date, there is the inevitable next step that all men must stomach (pun intended):

The actual lunch/dinner date.

Its deceptively harmless: food, easy access to booze, a menu (with crayons and a maze on it if you’re really lucky!). Good times. But no matter how good the food is or how free the refills are your date might have a way of spoiling the date with these less than appetizing habits.

Let’s examine:

Food Pusher

Ah, the “Food Pusher”….They’re so stoked about whatever they’re eating, its like their mission to have  love it as much as they do, even if you really loathe it.

 

"How about I push your face in your butt?!"

 

Look, I know how a menu works. If I wanted the snails, I would have ordered it. My real issue with “The Pusher” is that he doesn’t take “no” easily and that could foreshadow a miserable relationship in the future. Well, either that or maybe you’re so skinny, he really just wants to make sure you don’t fall through the sewer or something…And if thats the case, um, get help.

The Smug Moron

They want to appear to be “sophisticated” and “suave”, but they just can’t conceal the fact that their brains are hallow and you can’t fake intelligence. Example: they order a Zinfandel and the waiter asks “red or white?” and they reply with a disgusted look on their face:

“pink.”

And then you laugh.

And leave.

The Thrifty Splitter

“Hey, you mind if we split the tomato soup?”

It’s a soup, not a bucket of fries or chicken wings. “The Thrifty Splitter” doesn’t just want to share normal things like appetizers or desserts. They’ll want to split salads, ice tea, maybe even the 3oz of wine you got served. I think such people have two motives: 1) Save money and 2) attempt at creating some “emotional closeness” through half your burger or half you spaghetti.

You're humans, not "Lady and the Tramp"...actually, that tramp part might apply.

The only glimmer of hope you have is that he doesn’t make you split the bill. Because if I’m only half full because you ate half of everything, there’s no way I’m reaching for my wallet.

The Nomad

For “The Nomad”, there is always a reason why the table you were seated at isn’t the table you “should” be at. Too close to the door, too close to the bathroom, too far from the bathroom, upstairs, downstairs, outside, inside, too loud, too dark, too cold… GAH! The Nomad is never happy with the first option. I’m not really sure if “The Nomad” is capable of being satisfied. I think they just like seeing a pack of busboys look at me like I just bulldozered their house as they reset the table that we were at for less than 30 seconds.

The Just Plain Bore

I’ve had some bad dates, but most were just boring. The bottom line is that you dont REALLY know this person yet. Plus, its chock full of awkward/boring moments. You’re tied to a chair for a few hours, you fart/queef, you catch him looking your cleveage, he gets a stiffy etc…but I get it: it’s hard to just focus on the food when you sit down for that long.

Yep, its a stiffy.

As much as I can appreciate going out to eat, I think its best reserved to do after you know someone for a while.

Actually, treat yourself to a dinner date. I know, it sounds lonely and maybe borderline crazy, but eating out at fancy place by myself is on my bucket list.

At least I won’t have to split my after dinner mint. 😉

Any dinner date habits you would like to add to the list? Are you guilty of any of them?

I hate that I have no brilliant segway into today’s recipe. I’m just stoked that these turned out as delicious as I had hoped.

And yes, I caved.

I opened my first pumpkin can of the season. Go ahead. Make fun.

(makes six muffins)

  • 3/4 cup flour of choice
  • ½ cup oats
  • 1/4 cup flaxseed meal
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tbs dried sage
  • 1 tbs dried thyme
  • 2 cup pumpkin puree (fresh or canned)
  • 2 tbs olive oil
  • 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbs maple syrup

This is a tricky recipe. Mix all the dry ingredients till well combined! Don’t hurt yourself now.  Add the wet ingredients and stir well. Do not over mix the dough.

Scoop it into the muffin tray and bake in a preheated oven at 350 F degree. bake for about 20-25 minutes or till the toothpick inserted comes out clean.

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah October 25, 2011 at 2:03 am

hysterical.. and this is why ill forever be single

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melissanibbles October 25, 2011 at 2:50 am

Treat myself? No way. If I can get a free meal, I’m taking it. That being said, I recently had a guy send me a naked picture of himself after a first date. He spent $$ on sushi and wine so I guess I had it coming right? Hahahaha!

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Cammy October 25, 2011 at 4:08 am

One thing that bothers me, that my current boyfriend was REALLY bad about when we started dating, is when the guy only eats about 3 bites of his meal. It makes me REALLY self conscious about eating most/all of mine. I know this probably isn’t a very common problem with men, lol, but apparently it happens and it made me really uncomfortable. It’s weird because my boyfriend really isn’t a light eater, although he is incredibly picky. He also confessed later he wanted to minimize any risk of burping or other bodily functions later on the date. Poor guy.

Sorry your Match.com dates haven’t gone better; takes a while to weed through and find the right person sometimes. Their loss, not yours!

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Vanessa N October 25, 2011 at 5:41 am

I was going to say the same thing! This goes for going out with girlfriends too. It’s awkward to order the steak I was really eyeing on the menu when the dinner date goes and just orders a soup for the entree. However, I will always order dessert even if I’m the only one in at a table of 20. I don’t go out to eat too too often (2 – 3 times a month), so dessert is a must! I love when the waitress brings me numerous spoons for my dessert too… nope, not sharing… it’s all for me!

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Oh, yes. This applies to girls too!

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm

actually its OK cupid. Which should really be called OK stupid.

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Kristina @ spabettie October 25, 2011 at 6:24 am

I have been *fairly* lucky (or maybe I just didn’t notice?) and always delight in my friends stories of dating horrors.

my first date with Jason, he was at the end of being sick and didn’t tell me, and he was so tired… I was a motormouth and told him each and every last detail of a pretty crazy (extended family) story… definitely not first date material – it’s what I’m writing a book about. 😉 bless that guy – he must have REALLY liked me to go out on a second date…

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:40 pm

dude, with jason? you’re blessed.

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Brooklyn @ Veggie Table October 25, 2011 at 7:00 am

Haha, this post cracks me up! My husband eats his dinner at a snail’s pace. He will eat half of his food, take a break (watch tv from the table or read a book), pick out which is the “best bite” – save it for the very end, and then finish up the rest. By the time he gets done, I have already had dinner, taken the dog for a walk, washed a load of laundry, and painted a room.

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Lindsay @ Lindsay's List October 25, 2011 at 7:28 am

lol..Travis was TOTALLY the “thrifty splitter”! He had NO money, so we did really cheap dates. I’m pretty easy to please.

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Missy October 25, 2011 at 7:49 am

Ordering White Zin would be a total deal breaker for me, so I think I might be a little smug. I just couldn’t look at a guy the same way after that.

PS- Maple, Thyme and Sage — brilliant! I’ve never seen anything like that.

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 25, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Ditto, Missy, to ALL you said above.

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Sara Grambusch October 25, 2011 at 7:56 am

Having a first-dinner-date where the other person talks about their food the entire time is both my least favorite thing to talk about while eating and a horrible date. You aren’t on a date with your dinner plate buddy!

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm

yes, that would be bad. Then again, I could talk all day about chocolate…

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Jessica @ Dairy Free Betty October 25, 2011 at 9:47 am

Awwwh this reminded me of an ex.

We had ice cream (pre- dairy free days) and for 2 it came to $1.14. He asked me for 1/2… yup.. he wanted me to pay half.

then there was the time I was evacuated from my house for 1 week due to forest fires. He was VERY upset with me because he didn’t’ have anywhere to stay when he came to town. (He lived 1 hour away), he actually told me I was selfish because I wouldn’t let him stay with me at the friends place I was staying at. I was worried about my house burning down, and he was mad at me for putting him out…

Yup. dumped that winner! 😉

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Nagore October 25, 2011 at 11:51 am

The sooner the better!!!! well done!

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Susan October 25, 2011 at 10:05 am

I know you always joke that no one reads your blog for the recipes, but I LOVE your recipes. Thank god for a pumpkin recipe that doesn’t have cinnamon. You’re the best.

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm

That comment made my WEEK (yes, week, not day)

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janetha October 25, 2011 at 11:58 am

hahahaha oh man. lucky for me i usually didn’t go on first dates.. i just got wasted and started making out with some dude and he eventually became my boyfriend.

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I think your way to meet a guy was best and the most “organic”.

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 25, 2011 at 8:12 pm

May as well get right down to bizness.

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suki October 25, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I think the bore is the worst. Nothing worse than sitting there in awkward silence. UGH. :/

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Mary October 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Ahh I hate (OKC) first dates. I also hate it when guys suggest coffee rather than drinks for a first date, since drinks are obviously the better choice. A few weeks ago, I had a (dinner) date with this guy who spent the entire evening questioning everything in those profile questions that he had a problem with (it’s pretty easy to discern from my answers that I’m a liberal, agnostic vegetarian…which he was not). He was obviously not the best of companions, so I would add “The Hostile Judger” to your list.

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm

agh! I hate those! I’ve had date with a few of them. Don’t ask me how, they seemed nice online….

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Lou October 25, 2011 at 7:39 pm

hehehe….queef.

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) October 25, 2011 at 8:13 pm

How about the guy who invites you to a free happy hour on your first date.

Yah, I married him anyway :-)

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Eden October 25, 2011 at 8:57 pm

yes, but you did good, Deb. You did good 😉

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Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) October 25, 2011 at 9:31 pm

The absolute WORST for me is if someone (other than my husband) reaches across the table with their fork (or even worse, mine) and eats from my plate. Sick.

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julie October 26, 2011 at 12:22 pm

hahaha what about the guy who takes you on two drinks dates but yet to ask you to dinner…what does he classify under?

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Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli October 26, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I went to a sit down restaurant by myself for the first time when I went to San Francisco. I was always nervous about sitting in a restaurant alone…never wanting to be “that girl” that people always assume is sad and lonely because she doesn’t have someone sitting across from her taking up oxygen, but I LOVED it! It was one of the best meals ever and after two glasses of wine (hey, they were on special) I was feeling pretty sophisticated…or maybe a little tipsy…whatever! At least I made it back to catch my train on time!

Dinner dates are always the worst. What if I spill food on me? What if I get something stuck in my teeth? Ugh, too much stress involved for an hour or two with a complete stranger that might end up being a total jerk anyway. Hmm, wow…I sound a bit bitter, don’t I? 😉

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