Lies Parents Tell
I had my last cooking class at the elementary schools this week and the kids wouldn’t stop yapping about how excited about what Santa is going to get them.
So this got me thinking about their parents. Specifically, about the lies many parents tell kids. Here are some of my favorites:
Mommy and Daddy are going to lie down and take a “nap”
This is basically code for “don’t come in without knocking”. Parents lie to protect their kids. But how is them doing “sexy time” in the bedroom going to harm them? The kicker is, in a few years they’ll be doing their own “sexy time” in the back of a car. I don’t think I’ve heard my parents lie to me about this one. Then again, I didn’t ask.
“The Tooth Fairy/Santa Clause/Boogey Man is real”
Since I’m a Jew, my parents had no problem raising me to believe “Santa” was invented by the mall and Toys R Us. However, they did run with the whole tooth fairy theory. I totally fell for it. Until my mom overslept and forgot to leave some cash under the pillow. And I had to leave this note:
It was a sad day indeed. They should have just been blunt and said, “Look, the tooth fairy has another name: ATM”.
this is what a tooth fairy sucker looks like
“The Stork Dropped You”
Again, parents think you’ll self combust if you know about sex. And whats with this stork? Why not a penguin or a platypus (my favorite animal). I say we ditch lame stories and instead teach kids about SAFE sex. Where the banana?
“Eat your veggies so you’ll be healthy and strong”
A lot of parents are nutrition Nazis. And many will go to great lengths to fib in order to get kids to eat their greens. One of the classics is that eating spinach (or other vegetables) will make you strong like Popeye. What parents leave out that a few leaves of spinach in childhood can only go so far. Genetics are going to play a huge role in how big and strong they’ll really grow up to be. I’m guessing they leave it out cause the parents are scrawny…(cause they didn’t eat their spinach when they were kids).
Call me crazy, but popeye does NOT look healthy! He looks like he had a stroke and got bicep implants.
“Coffee Will Stunt Your Growth”
I’m guessing parents are trying to deter kids from drinking something which makes them hyperactive. Whatever the explanation, numerous studies have been done into the effects of coffee on the body. Some suggest it reduces the risk of certain cancers. Whatever. There’s lots of different research (not gonna get too into this issue) but I have yet to find is that drinking coffee stunts your growth. Plus, I never drank coffee and I’m still vertically challenged.
I'm guessing Kobe Bryant abstained coffee.
You Have To Go To A Good College and Get A Degree To Be Successful
Hmm..funny some of the most successful people didn’t have any of that. Rachel Ray, Simon Cowell, Walt Disney, Julie Andrews, Wolfgang Puck…And those are just people that didn’t go to college. Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates dropped out. As did Lady Gaga, but not exactly someone your parents will want you to emulate.
So, there you have it. If you ask me, I think we parents should be a little more honest and that lies are a part of life.
What lies did your parents tell you? Do you think its ok for parents to lie about stuff like death, sex, eating healthy food, etc ? If you have kids, what lies have you told?