Dating Resolutions and Sweet Corn Cookies

by Eden on December 25, 2011

Now that Christmas has come and gone, people are writing their new years resolutions or ranting about how they’re so above writing new years resolution.

But like I explained in this post, I just like writing resolutions for others.

So this one is for the Ladies. I’ve done the online dating thing and from some of the messages I get, I can’t help but wonder that girls on these sites are just doing it wrong.

Let’s start next year right. Ladies (and gentlemen, if your curious), I present to you resolutions to help you find Mr. Right next year.

(Note: if you don’t find Mr. Right, thats totally fine too. Maybe kinda awesome).

1. I will not try to be his therapist

Don’t try to guess what he’s thinking. Don’t apply our “lady logic” to his behavior. Its simple, really: he’s thinking about sports and sex.

2. I will not talk too much about my ex

Don’t start trash talking a guy you dated for five years by describing him like he’s the spawn of Hitler. But don’t compliment him either!  Who needs that ? If you MUST talk about “the ex”,  try a comment like this:

My ex was very kind and I respected his charity work.  But he had a face for radio and I just couldn’t handle the butt-chin he was sporting.

3. I will “Forget” my panties

I know. All you feminists out there are gonna virtually beat me up for this resolution. But if you’re really interested in the guy, I’m fairly confident you’ll score some points if you “forget” your underwear (I hate the word “panties” so I’m not repeating it, but it sounded good as the header).

4. I will not say to him I that I hate guys who fear commitment

I’m pretty sure most guys are afraid of commitment. I mean, most guys have a mild version of ADD. Just take how they watch TV: they tend to just flip channels because they can’t commit to one show.  Its like this:

ESPN.  Click.

Fox Sports.  Click.

ESPN2.  Click.

Seinfeld. Click

CNN. Click.

MSNBC. Click.

Everyday Italian. (this is just to stare at Giada’s Cleavage)

See, ladies? Carbs do a body good!

Anyhow, I think most eligible bachelors are just scared of missing out on something. Let it go.

Don't. Just, don't.


5. I will NOT, under any circumstance say: “I feel fat”

At any time in your dating life (but especially at the early stages) don’t say those words.  Let’s be honest, what do yo expect them to do with that? Here’s a typical diaglogue I hear often hear at the food court:

“I feel fat.”

“No way babe, you’re skinny.”

“Oh, go on, you have to say that.”

“No, baby, no.  You know what?  I hate bony-ass skinny girls. They’re gross.”

“So I’m fat.  I’m a big fat pig to you, aren’t I? Maybe I should just not eat this fro yo?!”

“No baby! I mean like you’re not all super sk–”

Shoot me!

There you have it, Ladies. And to be honest, after all my horrible dates from this online dating thing, I’m thinking I’m still doing something wrong so don’t take my word for these resolutions. I’m obviously not an expert.

Maybe I just need to complain about being fat more.

 

Can you think of any dating resolutions or men/women? Whats a mistake you did while dating?

True to form, this recipe has nothing to do with dating. But if your resolution is to eat more vegetables. this cookie recipe might help (its also unintentionally vegan thanks to me being out of eggs). Its also a fairly small batch (for the single ladies out there) so double it if your dating.

(makes about 6 cookies)

  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 3 Tbs butter/butter substitute of choice
  • 1/3 cup of all purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup of almond flour (or ap flour or any cool flour you have on hand, i just thought it would add a nuttiness to the texture)
  • 1 tbsp. of Ground flax meal
  • 2 tbsp. of water
  • 1/4 cup of brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup of cooked sweet corn (canned or frozen is fine)
  • 1/2 cup of chopped roasted macadamia nuts
  • 1/2 tsp. of salt
  1. Preheat your oven to 300 degrees
  2. Sift your dry ingredients and mix your wet stuff thoroughly with a spatula. (Do not beat)
  3.  Mix your wet and dr yingredients together (everything except the corn and macadamia nuts); again with a spatula not an electric mixer.
  4. Mix in the corn and macadamia nuts
  5. Form your cookie dough with wet hands and place (with a good amount space between them) on a greased cookie sheet.
  6. Bake for 20 – 23 minutes at 300 degrees until golden brown.

Enter Your Mail Address

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Ellen December 26, 2011 at 9:14 am

How about, I will not spend hours analyzing his text messages, the content or frequency. I think it boils down to that thing you said about guys being simple. They have something to say, they say it. If they don’t they don’t. They don’t spend hours contemplating how to encode their messages with double entendres or secret messages. Or agonizing whether to add an emoticon:)

Reply

julie December 26, 2011 at 9:41 am

DO NOT ask a guy if he thinks another girl is pretty.

Reply

Eden December 26, 2011 at 2:33 pm

unless youre asking cause youre trying to organize a threesome. I think he’d want that.

Reply

Cameo December 26, 2011 at 10:05 am

Haha. For a single lady, you sure have that TV thing down. Those are pretty much the exact channels my boyfriend surfs (except replace Giada with Fox Soccer Channel – I gots more cleavage than that b*#c!).

I would add: Don’t get wasted and then do all of the things Eden lists. Don’t get wasted and drunk dial or text. Don’t cry when you are wasted. Don’t have sex on first date. Don’t pretend you are cool with stuff you are not cool with.

Basically, don’t get wasted…and just be yourself!

Reply

Eden December 26, 2011 at 2:32 pm

what if being wasted is “yourself”…like snooki.

Reply

Sara K December 26, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Can I get some clarification on what “Forgetting your panties” entails- is it forgetting to wear them, leaving them at his place, or…?

Reply

Eden December 26, 2011 at 9:00 pm

“forgetting” = don’t wear them
i know this is gross, but i think thongs (aka butt floss) are nasty too

Reply

Emilie December 26, 2011 at 7:43 pm

1) those tips are excellent, and have inspired me to make it my new year’s goal to stop bitching about my “lovely lady lumps” to my poor boyfriend. they also remind me what a fucking trooper he is for putting up with it (on occasion, tho regularly so) for the past 3 years.

2) zomgz, an original cookie recipe on a blog that i’ve never seen before! props and they sound seriously awesome. how would you feel about subbing cornmeal for the almond flour? yay/nay?

Reply

Emilie December 26, 2011 at 7:44 pm

*by “never seen before” i mean a recipe i’ve never seen in the blogworld before–not yr blog. i’ve been lurking forever! because you’re great.

Reply

Eden December 26, 2011 at 8:59 pm

yep, I’m pretty great. I just don’t like posting the run-of-the-mill recipes. What fun is that? its not fun. Its boring. you want a chocolate chip cookie recipe? go to epicurious. You want corn cookies, you come to me 😉

Reply

Eden December 26, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Yea, cornmeal should be good. Try corn flour too. Its also called “masa”.

Reply

Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) December 28, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I didn’t really do much dating luckily … I have been with the hubby since I was about 16.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: