Losing your parents sucks.
It sucks if it happens when you’re young, it sucks when you’re older, it just…..SUCKS!
Like I’ve stated in previous posts, before it happens to you, you think you won’t be able to handle it. But humans have survival skills, and surviving your parents is one them.
However, I now begin to realize that there are definitely some awkward moments I encounter having lost my mom as an adolescent and my dad in my 20′s. Maybe if you’ve lost parents too, you can relate. Or maybe you can’t. I don’t care, there is not purpose to this list, just that I like being honest with strangers on the internet.
1) When Someone Asks How You Mom/Dad Is Doing?
A distant cousin of my father’s that lives abroad asked me via Facebook how my dad was doing (the last time he spoke to him, my dad was sick). Its very awkward, especially via Facebook chat, to just kinda type out:
“I’m sorry, my dad died in May 
”
OK, I didn’t actually use an emoticon cause I’m not that tacky, but its very strange to send a digital message like that. Doctors don’t email or text family memebers that their loved ones passed away. I usually called people when my dad died. But then again, I didn’t exactly publicize that my dad passed away so how were people that lived far away supposed to know? Anyhow, its perfectly OK to let people know what happened digitally. Twitter, Facebook, email, gchat, I don’t care.
Just don’t use an emoticon.
And don’t you DARE use an emoji.
2) You Start To Feel A Little Moral Laxity
I remember after my mom died, I quit playing piano. She was the one that encouraged me to take lessons, she was the one that even went out and bought a piano! After she died, I just didn’t feel like it anymore. I realized I was taking lessons in order to please her and there was no one to please but myself.
My piano teacher’s breath also smelled like a foot.
A few months ago, after my father passed, my friend suggest I paint the dining room in my house. To which I replied, “Oh, that’s a good idea, but my dad would totally freak out!”. But then I realize, I wasn’t living in my “dad’s” house anymore. It was “my house” now and I could do whatever I wanted with it without his permission. It still feels weird to do things I’m not sure my parents would’ve like, but I have to remember I’m in charge of me now.
3) Mother’s/Father’s Day
This day just stings.
It stings seeing people out with their parents at brunch, it stings seeing the whole Hallmark section devoted to this holiday, it’ll even sting when you hear your friends say they forgot to call their parents on that day.
Find yourself an awesome person that happens to be a parent and celebrate them.
Each of us deals with the death of our parents in our own way and unless we die before our parents, we won’t be able to dodge it. Death can’t be fought, only accepted. I chose to accept it and try to be the person my parents would’ve been proud to have as their legacy. Things can get awkward, but I’m just honest about things and hope people accept it.
I just hope no emojis will be involved.
Have you ever encountered an awkward moment about someone who’s passed? How did you deal? If you’ve lost your parents, what sort of awkward moments have you encountered?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Ohhh yes! All the time and it still happens
I just say oh she’s gone with an awkward smile
When I was 3 yrs old my father passed and have had awkward moments ever since. Favorite questions: Do you remember him (what I want to say, do you remember anything when you were 3?). When is Father’s Day? In the summer? because I have no freaking clue. And to all those credit card company’s and AARP, can you please quit sending mail to him, why sir? Because he passed away 20+ years ago. It sucks as constants reminders especially growing up when everyone had their dad’s there or teaching them things, and when in class we had to draw pictures of our family. The positive is I get a lot of stuff done whenever I figure out it is Father’s Day because places are empty.
Happens all the time…I hate it. Whenever you meet new people it manages to come up. I meet a lot of new people at uni/work and get really sick of it.
My mother died when I was young so as a kid I used to just say I don’t have a mum and people would assume whatever they wanted…but that did end up with people thinking she’d bailed… not exactly my intention. Now I try and avoid it but it always ends up with an I’m sorry and look of pity.. as a teenager I used to say it’s not your fault, you don’t have to be sorry! but now I tend towards cutting people off and changing the subject. It’s just awkward, annoying and sad.
I think by far the most annoying thing is being expected to fill their place. I have cut many lovely people out of my life because they can’t accept or wont get to know me- to them I will always be my mothers daughter… the replacement who is supposed to make them feel better because her death was so hard on them.
I know it’s sucky but it does get easier x
Yeah, I had awkward moments like that. Except, they were not awkward for me, but the people who asked the questions.
Like my professor : “Are you going home for the holidays to spent Christmas with your mother and father? ”
Or a fiance’s college who asked if my father gave permission to him before he proposed.
I have no issues with that, I like to talk about my dad, and although the pain won’t go away, telling people that he died won’t make me spiral into depression and tears.