Valentine’s day is coming up so that’s my excuse for write a post about the crazy things women do when they like someone.
Having a crush can be a good and terrible thing.
It’s good because it gives you a reason to get up and look good and its a rush of endorphins and hormones that results in lots of smiling and giggling.
However, it can also make people do some crazy shit.
I have no idea how guys get when they have a crush, but I know a lot of women tend to do crazy stuff. Who can blame us!? Until we get a clone of Ryan Gosling in every girl’s hands, women will probably never cease to do the following when they have a crush on someone.
1) Google the shit out them
Yep, its 2013.
They will Google the shit out of just about anyone that strikes their fancy and if they’re really determined, they’ll Google their friends and family.
Hey, men out there: I you took that gross video of off YouTube.
2) Over-analyze Texts Like Its Hieroglyphics
Women tend to read WAY too much into a few simple text exchanges. Or way too much into not hearing back from their crush.
I know, because I admit to doing it too. If I begin to do this, I try catch myself and say,
“Eden, relax. Go try to find someone with weed cause you need to just chill-the-fuck out! Don’t bust out the Urban Dictionary over this. Don’t pull over to answer a text. Stop rearranging the same five words to text him back! Stop being such an girly girl and move on with your day!”
Hopefully, nothing like the following will ever happen to you:
3) Research and learn more about their interests or hobbies
I liked this guy in college who was really into Woody Allen.
I had seen a handful of his films, but I basically rented all the Woody Allen movies I could and researched the shit out of it.
My crush ended up with some other chick and now I know that Woody Allen got married when he was sixteen and that The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is terrible movie.
I’m finally confident that I don’t need to do this anymore. Most of the guys I know like sports and Iwill not learn the ins and outs of sports and pretend like I know what I’m talking about when they talk sports. I’m fine with being quiet and looking at my Instagram feed while the guys watch a game.
Cue a chick that isn’t me:
But Woody Allen is awesome, despite that one flop I had to endure.
4) Laugh at their jokes (even they’re totally un-funny)
I don’t think I do this, but I tend to be attracted to people that are naturally funny.
However, I do remember liking this boy in high school who would try to crack jokes and most of them were awful.
I laughed anyway. I wasn’t attracted to his humor, I was more in love with the fact that he played guitar and looked like Andrew Garfield.
Sadly, according to my Facebook feed, he’s now married to his high school sweetheart. 
5) Rehearsing things you want to tell them
I actually did this with a friend. I said,
“Ok, you be him and I’ll be me and I’ll just start…”
Problem is, your friend or your imaginary friend who you’re rehearsing this bullshit with will probably NOT say what your crush will. I guess since I’ve been doing a little stand-up comedy, I’m usually good with riffing and improvising for these scenarios. But I have a feeling if I actually did all this with a guy, I would sound like this:
“What?! NO! That’s not what you’re supposed to say! That’s not the way I rehearsed it! Ok, lets do this again….”
And then you just end up looking weird and scare your crush away into oblivion.
Cue Adele music.
Whats the weirdest thing you’ve done when you had a crush on someone?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Yep – I’m guilty of all of those.
As always- this post is hilarious. Especially the texting one. Sad to say, in High School – when a guy I was “seeing” didn’t call me for awhile, my friend and I loaded up on junk food and sat outside his house in her car, a mini “stake-out” of sorts…what for? I don’t know. To see if some other girl knocked on his door? To see if he was dead?
Pointless. But a great memory.
I don’t think I’ve done anything too weird beyond googling. Mostly, I just lose the ability to talk-I’ll have all sorts of witty banter and conversation topics and my mind becomes a blank and I come off as boring. Which seems worse than weird to me.
GARGH. Crushes are so nerve-wrecking because you’re on hyper sensitivity. I get super, super, super hyper with a crush and pretty much end up psycho-weirding them out. Or so I think, I don’t know, maybe. I exaggerate things in my mind afterward.
Once, and this was a long, long time ago, a guy I was crushing on called me. I told him to hang on, and then went away from the phone to agitate what i’m going to say and even made a list of topics. Then I went back to the phone, but he had already hung up. He took it as a sign that I wasn’t interested and never called after that. FAIL.
I think the worst thing I ever did was sneak a free verse poem into my crush’s soccer bag while he was at his locker. I didn’t sign the poem…a few weeks later, I ran into him between classes and blurted out: “I’m the one who wrote the poem!” and he said, “Yeah. I know.” And then he never talked to me again. I was so beyond embarrassed–it was devastating at the time.
You would never google anyone, you are too cool for that. I’d be that football chick, oh man..I am so not girly.
I don’t know what I’ve done that’s embarrassing for a crush. That was so long ago but I like to think I’m pretty slick. Hahaha, yeha right but for real nothing I can think of. I remember a random embarrassing thing when I guy I barely talked to asked me to a dance in high school and I said ‘don’t you have a girlfriend’ and kept walking because I thought it was a joke. My crush had a good laugh at that one.
i have to get my anger out by doing something and by angry i mean that i have no courage to tell him that i like him, i even made a clay heart saying i love (my crushes name) and a picture with me and my crush together, got the picture of him from a copy of the class photo from my school, gonna hide the heart from my mom, don’t want her to know