Like I mentioned on my post from last Sunday, I save my semi-mushy stuff for weekends when you’re too busy sleeping off your hangovers to read my site.
I don’t know what was up with me, but I’ve cried a few times this week missing my parents.
I hope most of you have parents and so you can read this list and sincerely cherish these things with your own parents.
1) Their Voice
I remember a few years ago, my father and I went to visit my grandmother in Belgium and I found old VHS tapes (aka fossils) of me that my dad filmed when I was a toddler. Since my mom was alive at the time, she was in them and hear her voice was just….I don’t even know how to describe it. Its was weird because that voice was SO familiar but yet I hadn’t heard it in a decade. Even though I’m positive 90% of you loathe the sound of your own voice, your voice is extremely powerful. That’s why I love podcasts so much and that’s why I have a crush on Ira Glass.
Listen to your parents, record them, record them saying nice things to you, you’ll be glad you did when they’re gone.
2) Traveling With Them
My parents were never too into material things.
They never indulged in nice cars a huge house or even TiVo, but they did love to travel. My house is a library of travel books and guides.
A month ago I went to visit my grandmother in Belgium without my dad for the first time in my life. I never felt so lonely in my life. My parents took me to Belgium and Israel almost twice a year when I was a kid. I remember my mom telling me that if she were younger, she would’ve become a flight attendant.
When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he told me he wanted to go to Nepal at some point before he got too sick and I’m so angry that I wasn’t proactive enough to make that a reality for him.
3) Their Nicknames For Me
I don’t have a nickname.
Well, I don’t know what you guys call me behind my back, but in general, I don’t know of any nicknames that are actually used by the people that know me.
However, most parents call have specially reserved nicknames for their kids that ONLY they use. If friends start calling you by those names, it usually feels weird and awkward.
My dad called me “Kooka” and my mom called me “Ednic”.*
(*Now, if any of you call me that, you’ll be like that 3rd cousin that’s kind of attractive but you don’t know if you should have those feelings cause you’re related so you stay away anyway.)
4) Their Mistakes
I know. This would probably make the “things I miss least” list but its making it on this one.
My parents taught me so many things that as a kid, I often put them at this “superhero” status that made me so afraid to lose them. Sometimes, it was just nice to see them screw up and be human. I’m so terrified of making a mistake as there really isn’t anyone responsible for me anymore and I know I’m bound to make a few. I guess I miss the reminder that even the people you love most aren’t perfect and drag you to boring places like Hoover Dam.
See, even my mom fell asleep at the Hoover Dam.
And that sometimes, that’s what makes you love them more.
5) Their Reassurance
Fuck, I’m still writing this and already there’s a puddle of tears on the key board.
Anyhow, the last thing is their reassurance.
When I was having a nervous break down, when I was scared, when I doubted myself, when I felt ugly or stupid, my parents reassured me that its just a feeling and that it’s only temporary. Of course my friends can do this too, but I don’t believe them. My parents were the only people I believed.
Maybe one day, I’ll learn to believe others and I know this a very far fetched goal, but I hope to one day believe in myself.
And I’ll end on that cheesy ass line.
What do you miss most about someone close to you that you’ve lost? Doesn’t have to be a parent, anybody.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I lost my mother to cancer (after a year long battle) only 2 weeks ago, so your post definitely resonated with me. I can barely remember how energetic she was before the cancer. I miss going to yoga classes with her. I miss traveling with her. Our last trip together was in 2008. I miss everything about her.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. My mother battled breast cancer for 13 years before it took your life. Virtual hugs to you.
i miss the way my grandpa gave us kisses on the cheeks, making us giggle everytime….
I miss my mom the way she used to be before she got sick. I would give anything to go out for dinner with her, or to have her over to my place for a visit.
I miss my grandpa most when something hurts. He was an expert a traditional Mexican healing. I don’t remember his or my grandma’s voice much, but I think it’s on some old home videos. I am thankful I have a professionally recorded interview with my maternal grandfather thanks to StoryCorps. I did that with my dad too.
StoryCorps is amazing. I’m glad you got to do that.
I miss having someone to call in the middle of the night when I was having a complete anxiety attack over something. I miss having a “go to” person to call when I had great news to share or needed advice (this was especially true after I had kids when I REALLY could have used a mom to give me advice). I miss having someone who knew me as a baby-I never had anyone to say, “Oh! She looks just like you did at her age!” or “You used to laugh like that when you were little.” I miss having someone who was proud of me-no matter what. I miss having someone who believed in me 100%, all of the time. I guess mostly, I just miss my mom. (Great. Now I’M crying!)
It was 6 years ago today that my Mom went to her heavenly home – I miss her just as badly today as I did the 1st year. I miss the way she’d laugh til she cried – it was funny just watching her. I miss her pep talks, her encouragement, and her shoulder to cry on. Heck, I just miss everything about her! And I LOVE to watch old videos so I can see and hear her voice. I always tell people to be sure and record their loved ones – it means so much when you can no longer see or hear them anymore.
You may be missing them more since your birthday is a week from Saturday – those “first” type things are always hard. You had birthdays without your Mom, but never without your Dad. So that may be the reason why you are getting more upset right now. But then again, I just get all weepy with no rhyme or reason.
I am always an email away if you need to vent or cry!
Hugs and love to you!
Aw, Missy, you know how much your mom’s story has touched me. Laughter is another thing I miss about my mother. I think its why I love making people laugh, they remind me of her. Love you
My Mom past away over 10 years ago and the thing I miss the most is her smell. I loved being close to her and smelling her we used to play this sort of smell eachother game. I think sometimes I can smell her. Like when I gave birth to my 3 kids I could smell her. That was how I knew she was there and I was not alone. I was lucky in away I was 28 when my Mom died so I have lots of memories but I don’t have many pictures or any recordings of her voice infact I have nothing of hers. I guess that is why I hold the memories so close, and tell them to my kids; who never got to meet her.
I lost my aunt over 20 years ago. I was in 2nd grade and I still remember hearing my Mom crying. She was the coolest lady ever and I miss everything about her but mostly how she was never too glamorous. I still wear her jewlery and now that I have passed the age that she died I feel it’s my goal to let her live through me.
I also lost my grandma almost one year ago, 5 days and counting. I miss her beating me at bingo all the time, our lunch dates, our inside jokes, tea parties, the way she said bye and my final memory of her trying to sneak pancakes on my plate at breakfast.
ps, I hope one day as we blossom into even cooler friends, you call my mom to ask advice. She will tell you in your are being dumb or not, she does it to my brother all the time
I am so sorry. As the child of a malignant narcissist who’s done an outstanding job of fucking up my life, the lives of at least two of my half brothers and my mum’s life, it galls me that my dad’s still alive. I wish your parents could’ve had all the years my dad’s stolen from us, past and future. Now I’m crying too.
I’ve actually been reading your blog for quite a while and I keep my mum updated on it, and we quite often get upset about what’s happened to you. I know this information does you no good at all and is probably far too personal to share here, but fuck it – I couldn’t read something as moving as this post and not respond.
Felt a little squeeze in my heart when I read about your parents…I know I’m late but I just wanted to send my condolences. :s
Keep up with your snark.
Aw, I’ve miss your snark. Please contribute more often