The lottery jackpot today was $650,000,000.
(It would be better in euros or pounds, but it’ll suffice)
Lately, I’ve really been immersed in finances, mortgage, taxes, and money and not because I’m Jewish. Sadly, it because I’ve pretty much taken the reins for my dad.
And can I just say I think I hate money.
So I started think about all the possibilites I would have if I actually won.
Here’s what I would do:
Tell no one: Money changes people, so I’d only tell my very close friends.
Fill my gas tank: with gas prices as high as they are, I just might be able to afford it.
Hire a bunch of people: Now that I have assets out the ass, I’d hire everyone to make sure my money is safe. I’d get a lawyer and financial adviser and maybe a male model to be my pretend boyfriend.
I’d Hire Even More People: The economy sucks and people need jobs. I’d just hire a lot of people so they would be able to afford to buy new things and thus stimulate the economy. No need to thank me. Just bow down.
Get One of Those Ball Filled Rooms: You know the ones. The ones at Ikea and certain McDonald Play Places. This will remind me that I’m a kid at heart. Plus, its fun to swim in a bunch of small plastic balls.
I’d buy every infomercial item I think is cool: Which would be every imformercial product aside from the neckline slimmer. Cause that just looks painful.
Start my own production company: Most movies these days are terrible. I’ll only release good movies.
Buy a nice house with a moat: you know, to keep out poor people.
Get a haircut: no really, I need to shut up about this and do it already.
Donate half to brain cancer research: fuck that, I’m just gonna buy out cancer and obliterate it.
Buy Twitter followers: So I can prove to everyone that I’m loved and popular!
Get one of those giant round beds: you know, for me and my hired boyfriend.
But some produce at whole foods: I’d also put some diet coke on their shelves because they need it.
What would you do if you won the lottery? Did you buy a ticket today?
(for the record, I meant to buy a ticket but I was too lazy and got distracted watching Bob’s Burgers online). Oh well, I saved a dollar. Go me.
Ok, recipe time…
This is another attempt at the No More Mallows Contest.
Sweet Potato Salted Caramel Eclairs/Cream Puffs
(makes about 6)
- 1/4 cup whole milk
- 1/4 cup water
- 1/4 cup unsalted butter
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/3 cups all purpose flour
- 2-4 eggs (it sometimes depends on the size)
Sweet Potato Caramel Cream:
- 2 large eggs
- 1/3 cup of sugar
- 1 1/2 tablespoons of cornstarch
- 3/4 cups of scalded milk
- 1/2 cup of sweet potato puree
- 1/4 cup caramel sauce
- 1 teaspoon of maple (or vanilla) extract
- 1 tablespoon of butter
- 1 tablespoon of heavy whipping cream
- Caramel sauce
- sea salt
Best to start with the cream:
Put egg yolks in a large bowl and add sugar. Mix on a medium high speed for about 3-4 minutes. It should be very thick and light in color. Put the mixer on low and add cornstarch.
Then, slowly add scalded milk (as not to scramble the eggs). Add the sweet potato purée, caramel sauce, and and mix thoroughly. After the ingredients are emulsified, pour the blend into a medium saucepan and cook over medium low heat. Stir with a whisk for about 5-7 minutes. It’ll probably soon start start to bubble. Whisk vigorously for another two minutes, so that it comes together kind of like pudding. Remove from the hear and pour the extract, butter, and heavy cream into the mixture and stir until combined. Put the cream through a sieve and tightly cover. Place in the fridge to chill until ready to assemble.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees and grease a baking sheet or line with parchment paper.
Combine the milk, water, sweet potato puree, butter, salt, sugar, and cinnamon in a saucepan over medium heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add the flour and stir to combine. Return the pan to the heat and continue to stir. Cook it until the dough leaves a a kind of film on the bottom of the pan.
Put the dough in a bowl of a stand mixer with a paddle attachment and beat on low until until the bowl is no longer hot to the touch. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing after each addition and scraping down the bowl as necessary. Add enough eggs to make the dough come away from the sides of the bowl in ribbons. However, the dough will not clear the bowl. The dough should be shiny but not too wet. Immediately, pour into a piping bag or ziploc bag, piping onto the prepared baking sheet with a pastry bag fitted with a round tip. (I did large cream puffs but you can certainly do the standard long eclairs).
Bake at 425 degrees for 10 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 350 degrees for another 10 minutes (but DO NOT open the oven during this time!). Then bake for an another 15 minutes, reducing the heat every few minutes until it reaches 200 degrees. Trust me on this! After 35 minutes, cut into one eclair. If the inside is still moist, return it to the oven for a few additional minutes.
Before you assemble, make sure the éclairs are cool. Put the pastry cream in a pastry bag and pipe the cream into the eclairs. If you don’t have a pastry bag, you can always just split the in half and fill them. Sprinkle the cinnamon over the top and LIGHTLY sprinkle with sea salt. Drizzle with the caramel.
Place and mouth and move jaw in an up and down motion.
And smile in delight of knowing the work was worth it!