Men’s Magazines Say Dumb Things and “Microwaved Oatmeal Over-Easy”

by Eden on September 25, 2011

You may remember my previous installment of the absurd redundant advice of popular women’s “health and fitness” magazines.

This time, I thought I’d scope out some Men’s magazines to find out what advice men are getting these days.

Turns out, a lot of the same sort of stuff, and a lot of bullshit.

Lets examine:

Keep a Food Journal: It’s an effective way to remind yourself how much you’re eating over the course of a day. University of Pittsburgh scientists found that dieters who simply wrote down the size of each meal (S, M, L, XL) were at successful at losing weight.

Really? Cause calorie counting is oh-so “femme”? Men have to grade their meals like its a T-shirt size in order to lose weight, apparently….

 

Only wear tank tops if you are in amazing shape: Or if you are from New Jersey and have the gravitas that goes along with that. Otherwise, follow your underwear mantra: plainly styled, subtly patterned, clean.

I understand this “tip” means well. But this is my personal opinion: even if you’re in “amazing shape” (and I wish they would be a little more specific), a guy wearing a skin tight tank top will still remind me of Kevin Federline or just a douche in general.

Or of Zac Ephron...and then I just feel like a cougar

Call me old fashioned, but I always liked a plain old T-shirt.

 

To Make Women Swoon, Speak in a Deep Voice: According to a new study in Memory & Cognition, women had a stronger preference for hearing a deep-voiced man talk, and could better remember different objects if they were introduced by the same deep voice. Speak in a deep voice when you’re wooing a woman.

Sure, we may remember things better if told to us in an Isaac Hayes-ish tone, but that doesn’t mean we’ll necessarily mean we’ll want to throw ourselves at you. In fact, I’m sure most women will just think your creepy or pumped up with too much testosterone.

 

 

Don’t Share Your Food: Researchers observed that men who ate with a group of buddies downed 60 percent more calories than when they ate with a spouse or girlfriend. That’s because people often match their intake of food to that of their dining partners. Of course, you shouldn’t have to sit home on guys’ night out. Choose one reasonable entrée for yourself, and skip the communal foods—bread, nachos, wings, and pizza, for example—which encourage you to take your eating cues from pals.

This isnt going to happen. Plus, if you don’t share, you’ll look like a dick.

Have you heard any advice given to guys that you feel is off-base? If you are a guy, what do you think about the advice I found from the magazine? Is it absurd that I find this advice ridiculous?

 

For the food portion of today’s program, I thought I’d participate in Janetha’s “Breakfast Challenge”.

And truth be told, I tend to have redundant breakfasts, so I needed this challenge to kick my ass a little. Since I normally snub oatmeal I thought I’d just try to make it a little different. So I did! Here’s what you’ll need:

It serves one Eden (but I would supplement it with fruit cause I don’t think its enough for a “full” breakfast for me, personally)

  • 1/2 cup oats
  • 1 egg (or two, I depending on how hungry you are)
  • a few tomato slices
  • a few chopped olives
  • a few chopped peppers
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • parmesan cheese (optional)
Prepare the oatmeal according to the directions on the kind of oatmeal you bought but use a little less water. Once the oatmeal is cooked, pour it into a new bowl or ramekin.

I know, it looks like jizz. Pretend it doesn't.

Add the veggies (you can really use any veggies you like).

I know, I have ugly thumbs. My toes are even worse...

Crack the egg on top, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Cook on high for about 1-2 min (depending on how runny you want your egg. I cooked mine for a minuet and a half). Add cheese and sprinkle a little more salt and pepper if you want. And thats it. This whole process takes about 6 minuets to prepare so its quick and easy.
And this might be the only time you’ll see oatmeal on this blog.
So savor it.

Its like cracking into a creme brulee! No, its actually SO not like that at all. Creme brulee is way better.

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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Tara @ Sweat like a Pig September 25, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Haha I hate seeing guys in tank tops. Looks so cheap.

I never even thought of having savoury oatmeal like this, so I’m certainly going to cherish this one and only oatmeal recipe!

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Eleah September 26, 2011 at 1:11 am

I don’t care what shape a man is in.. I don’t like tank tops on them unless they are at the gym. I prefer not to see armpit hairs.

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 6:42 am

eww. yes, pits are gross in general.

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melissanibbles September 26, 2011 at 2:27 am

I appreciate a guy in a tank top. That way I know he’s a douche and to avoid him.

Where’d you get that little pot your oatmeal is in? I want one!!

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 6:41 am

Peir 1 and only three bucks!

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Missy September 26, 2011 at 6:57 am

The fact that they’re called “wife beaters” should prevent any non-douche from wearing one.
Thus the logic is correct.
Tank= douche.

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Cammy September 26, 2011 at 3:36 am

The S, M, L, XL guideline sounds pretty much useless to me. For my boyfriend, a “small” breakfast is two toaster strudels, 4 scrambled eggs, 2 glasses of orange juice and a cup of “coffee” that is really mostly whole milk and sugar, and a couple of Reese’s cups. I kid you not, he eats like a 4 year old.

I appreciate a well-filled in tank top in the gym but not elsewhere. Totally agree with Eleah on the armpit hair issue. Ew.

I’m one of the most redundant breakfasters ever (mainly because I’m one of those sincere I’m Not a Breakfast Person people and never really want anything in the morning, although I know better than to skip it). Glad you linked to Janetha’s breakfast challenge, seems like a good source of ideas for unredundancing. ;)

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Faith @ For the Health of It September 26, 2011 at 4:50 am

Mmm, I haven’t had savory oatmeal in a long time. I need to get in on that action!

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Jessica @ Stylish Stealthy and Healthy September 26, 2011 at 5:55 am

I love when men tell other men what women want.
Do they not understand why the silent treatment exists?

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Susan September 26, 2011 at 6:06 am

Wait…did you cook that in the microwave? How did the egg not explode!? Help me Eden. I want this breakfast.

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 6:44 am

yes!! in the microwave! it only explodes if you cook it in the shell (found that out the hard way when I was four).

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Susan September 26, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Thank you!

Yeah, once you have a couple of bad experiences with the micro you get a little cautious.

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janetha September 27, 2011 at 11:38 am

i sometimes have eggs explode in the microwave. i cook them on 70% power to avoid that!

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Missy September 26, 2011 at 6:56 am

SIZE. DOES. MATTER.

And we need to stop telling guys it doesn’t. It may not be a deal-breaker, but it matters. It’s a factor.
Guys with small appendages (and too large) need to know this early on in the game so they can amp up their skills and learn to be irresistably awesome as a person.

PS- Now THAT is a bowl of oatmeal I could actually be down with. (For dinner probably). I’m not an oatmeal girl, especially in the am. I like your thinking!

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Shannon September 26, 2011 at 7:36 am

I like how men are advised to eat with their women, but women are always told they’ll get fat if they eat with their man… so should we all just eat all alone in little jail cells? We’d probably end up eating less because we’d be in company of ants, who eat very little. Either that or the ants would end up becoming obese and we’d share a cell with horror-movie sized ants.

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 1:41 pm

So we are screwed either way. I’m gonna go eat with some elphants. Better for my body image and I love peanuts.

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Jess@atasteofconfidence September 26, 2011 at 7:57 am

Well, at least we’re not the only ones the media targets with this craziness.

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Amanda September 26, 2011 at 8:19 am

Men in tank tops…NEVER a good idea. NEVER. Barf. This is such a turn off for me. Does that make me weird?

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

No, it makes you sane.

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Lauren @ Oatmeal after Spinning September 26, 2011 at 8:46 am

Zach Effron… :)
Makes me feel like a dirty old lady because he’s the same age as the crop of students I taught in my first year of teaching.

Okay, these tips were HILARIOUS. And what kind of man is actually reading them and thinking “oh- that’s a good tip. I’ll have to try that.”
Please. Only women are silly enough to follow tips found in health magazines.

The breakfast looks AWESOME. AMAZEBALLS even (just to annoy you). Clearly, I’m one of those that is obsessed with oatmeal. Never thought about making it savory though… that would be one worth trying!

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm

I’ll give you a pass with the “amazeballs” reference cause I like you

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Katie September 26, 2011 at 9:12 am

Hahaha! Speak in a low voice?! I think I would die laughing if a guy came up to me and was speaking in a fake low voice trying to pick me up. That’s like me trying to speak in a high feminine voice (which I don’t have, at all) to be more attractive. Such silliness.

And I don’t really like oatmeal or eggs, but if I made that for Meeker he would kiss my feet. I know it.

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Katie September 26, 2011 at 11:59 am

I want to know what happens if the deep voice actually works (slim chance) – Are they supposed to fake their voice for the entire relationship?

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm

As long as we fake our orgasams

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Kristina @ spabettie September 26, 2011 at 9:15 am

savory was always my favorite way to make oatmeal. this looks good – especially because it’s cold here today.

tank tops, any shirt with no sleeves on a guy – PLEASE no. and speaking in a deep voice? yep, because this automatically makes you attractive. because females are one dimensional and things like deep voice are the important things. ;) (and now I’m laughing because this may sound defensive, like Jason has a high voice! :) he does not, for the record. and THAT is why I am with him.) ;)

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I don’ mind a high voice as long as its not “pre-puberty” high.

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Pure2raw twins September 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm

i do not eat oatmeal (i know a crime in the blog world) but love your take on the savory oats.

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Paige @ running around normal September 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

S, M, L, or XL for each meal or snack? Are ya kiddin’ me?! LOL

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Sam September 26, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I’m looking over at the husband and he’s wearing a black tank top…then again we are in NJ. :) He wears them as undershirts and just around the house when lounging around. I actually wear them to bed too. He’s in decent shape (and don’t really look like a douche) but I did tell him if he ever got man boobs I was going to be awful about making fun of him. Adding a gold chain definitely amps up the douche factor.

I never thought of making oatmeal savory (beyond just butter and salt) and I love your ramekins. I want them.

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Eden September 26, 2011 at 6:46 pm

hee! I’ll let your husband pass. And black is always less harsh.
PS I call them “moobs”.

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janetha September 27, 2011 at 11:39 am

mmm. i love savory oatmeal. marshall looked at me like i had 3 heads once when i asked if he liked it. i guess not? email me a photo of this with a short snippet of why it is a better breakfast for you… otherwise i will forget to put it on the post. yes, i am that challenged.

deep voice? wtf.

love you! see you SOON!

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Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) September 29, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I am absolutely SHOCKED that you posted an oatmeal recipe … bahahaha, you have come over to the dark side!

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