Microwave Fig Cake and How To Get More Readers and Followers

by Eden on August 3, 2011

I’ve always wanted to write a douchey post teaching people how to get more Twitter and blog followers.

In actuality, I’m the last person on the planet that cares about how many followers or readers I have. If I did, I’d follow more people and read more blogs. And with my social media ADD, I only allow myself to follow 40 people at a time on Twitter, and about 15 on Instagram. Hey, at least I’m not as picky as Kanye West who apparently only follows Kim Kardashian.

wow, my brain hurts from just reading that

Although, that’s a wise choice on Kanye’s part.

Anyhow, I thought I’d let you in on some ways to get you more followers and readers:

Lie and Embellish

Most people’s actual lives are boring as shit.

 

 ”OMG!!! I have to go to work today, you guys!!!! #MondaySuck

or

“Good night tweeps. Off to cuddle with the hubby!!!”

 Im sure by “cuddle” she meant “fuck”…but whatever. But let’s face it, bumble bee leads a more exciting life than me. Hence I embellish things. For example, a few months ago, I tweeted:

“A pony bit me :(

There was no pony. It was Mike Tyson.

Make a Good Impression

Remember, people decide if they like you in 4.5 seconds. Its even LESS when its people you meet virtually! Pick the best picture of yourself, make your blog visually appealing, and make your “about section” or bio absolutely riveting!

Ok, I just lied about the “4.5″ seconds. I just wanted you to think I know shit this.

Engage Selectively

You have every right to call me a bitch for not replying to a tweet or to every single comment. You have the right to call me a bitch for other reasons, but I’m not going to go there in this post.

In fact, I don’t even comment on most blog posts anymore. Unless I have something enlightening and earth shattering to bring to the table, I leave it be.

Stop Caring:

People can sense desperation and most people are turned off by it. For example, worshipy people that comment daily on popular blogs hoping that one day the blogger will click on their blog and read their brilliance.  

They won’t. They have better things to do. Like pimp themselves out on twitter. Or eat oatmeal.

Anyhow, same thing happens on Twitter and for blogs.  People can sense that you’re hungry for followers.

Don’t worry so much. Most of the people you follow on twitter aren’t REALLY your friends.

You get the most followers when you stop caring.

Do you have any tips to getting more reader/followers? Any advice on who I should unfollow? For some reason, no one gives me an “unfollow list”!

My friend Deb is famous for her microwave protein muffin. So I thought I’d use her basic recipe for inspiration for these fig cakes. You’ll need:

  • 1 Egg and 1 whites (Deb’s recipe calls for 2 whites or 1/2 cup of egg substitute)
  • 1/4 Greek yogurt (Deb usually uses pumpkin or apple sauce
  • 2 T coconut flour (althouhg all purpose flour works well too)
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • stevia or other granular sweetener to taste
  • juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 1 or two slices figs on top

Spray a soup bowl with a very light layer of oil to prevent sticking.
Mix ingredients well with fork, whisk or spatula. Spoon into the bowl and top with sliced figs.
Microwave for 2:30-4+ min on High (depends on your microwave)

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristina @ spabettie August 3, 2011 at 5:56 am

I want this fig cake. can I put goat cheese on top? baah, baa-aah.

I’m not going to pretend I don’t look at my numbers. It does seem I have that whole “don’t care” thing down, though, since I sometimes go a week without a post. and right now? I’m really contemplating a series about shoes. someone asked me to. boregasm be damned. ;)

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 6:00 am

I’d read a series on shoes! Thats more like a “footgasm”

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Kristina @ spabettie August 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm

perfect – it will be done!

don’t know how wordy it will be, the reader who wanted it just wanted to see photos. :)

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Kristina @ spabettie August 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm

and that footgasm might be a very real thing, having nothing to do with shoes.

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Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen August 3, 2011 at 7:58 am

OK, I really want to make that. Like right now. Except I have no fresh figs and it is 3 AM here and I am awake reading your blog. [None of which are perhaps all that abnormal?]

I didn’t even know what twitter was until I moved to Austin last summer…and I have the most RANDOM people and organizations following me. I don’t know how they find me, but I’m pretty sure they don’t care much about what I have to say.

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Abby August 3, 2011 at 11:23 am

If I cared about followers, I would start a cult, and even then I would have a hard time getting people to follow me unless I promised ice cream or booze. Actually, a cult for ice cream and booze doesn’t sound too bad…can I follow them on Twitter?

Anyway, the whole numbers thing is just annoying and overdone. ‘Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.’

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I follow Ben and Jerrys on twitter.
And deep bumper stick qoute you got there.

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Abby August 3, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Don’t be impressed. It’s Dr. Seuss.

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm

I’m impressed. Kids these day’s think Dr. Seuss is gynocologist.
And what a bummer he isn’t alive today, I’d totally follow him on twitter!

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Cameo August 3, 2011 at 11:33 am

Pretty micro-cake! Where did you find that Kardashian tweet? Is that for real? And these women are multi-millionaires? Argh.

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 3:05 pm

I found it cause I guy I follow retweeted it (as a joke, because….come on!). Their lack of brain capacity is for real. Their dad won the OJ trial and they have a nice butt….some would day. I guess thats all you need to be a mogul these days….

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Bee @ B*tchy Bee August 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I’m an old fart at heart (did that just rhyme?), I still don’t tweet!

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 3:07 pm

dont start, this might be why I like you.

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sharelle @ essentialingredient August 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

i think you are the only blog that i comment on.
feel honored.
not really, i’m not that cool. unless sitting here reading blogs and simultaneously watching pretty little liars while eating almond butter straight out of the jar makes me cool.
anyway…all “tweets” give me a headache. i still don’t understand twitter. at all. fuck. just thinking about it gave me a headache.

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) August 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm

OMG I should totally pimp out my muffins to make them look gourmet like yours!! WOW!

I do not ‘play the game’ and follow everyone who follows me. If I’m just overwhelmed with life or traveling when a twitter follow notification comes in, I delete it without even seeing who it is (bad I know). Nothing personal- I just have only so much room in my brain for chat and exposure.

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 3:11 pm

yours look pretty decent already. I was about to put an iphone next to it, but I didnt want to be a total poser

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Missy August 3, 2011 at 2:33 pm

You had me at microwave.
Such pretty presentation, too.
I’m not sure how to gain readers but how about losing readers?*

I once swiftly unsubcribed from a blog when the (very young) girl posted about her underwear for the second time and this time she was wearing them. (I’ll let anything slide once). I am so thankful there was no FB, twitter or blog proliferation when I went to High School.

*This would be a good EDE topic, no? Like how I acronymed your blog? All the cool kids do it.

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I rather the acronym be “OMGLOLRSVP” just cause it shows how diverse I can be

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Heather August 3, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I laughed so hard at the oatmeal reference I choked on my own spit….

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

oh dear, if you die, please don’t blame me!

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Kristy Lynn @ Gastronomical Sovereignty August 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm

scariest. pony. ever.

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the delicate place August 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

i love your twitter translations haha. i am a fan of deb’s cake and now you’ve gone and made it all fancy n shit. figs on grocery list now!

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 8:51 pm

figs make everything fancy and shit!

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Susan August 3, 2011 at 5:01 pm

The day of the auction I had SO many people commenting and e-mailing me. It was stressful. I kept wondering how the “big bloggers” do it all the time and felt relief that I wasn’t one of them on a regular basis! No wonder they have to quit their day jobs!

In other news, your tweet about people saying “good morning” the other day made me laugh. Seriously, there are only 140 characters, people MUST be able to come up with something better than that.

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Jess August 3, 2011 at 6:55 pm

That fig cake looks amazing! I love microwave cakes.

Haha, I so agree with the “cuddle” statement..are you really, um, just cuddling?! ;)

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janetha @ meals & moves August 3, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Cute fig cake! Nice apple.

I cared about those numbers in the very beginning. Now I will go months without looking at my numbers. Except on auction day. I had to check that enormous number out!

Too busy eating oatmeal. haha.. I wonder who you were talking about?

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Eden August 3, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Well, I for sure wasn’t talkin about you. although I fear the only food I can eat with you around IS oatmeal because I don’t have to annoying you with the sound of my chewing.

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julie August 4, 2011 at 12:50 am

you’re a good poster. hahahaha i just needed to tell you that.

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Viviane August 4, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Hi Eden! This is totally unrelated, but since you seem to like ponies so much, I couldn’t help but to share this with you… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AFna6R-rAo
(watch until the end!!)

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Meri August 6, 2011 at 1:56 am

Shit girl- I got really excited about your fig recipe, because damn, if I don’t love figs (dried more than fresh, cause I’m weird). But I dont’ have a single item on the ingredient list. Except possibly baking powder but I haven’t baked in so long I’m not even sure. I don’t even have figs, I thought I did but I forgot they were dates. Mother effer.
Maybe next time.
THanks for the recipe, anyway :)

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