5 Places That Make Me Feel Stupid and Lavender Coke

by Eden on August 22, 2012

Some places are great self esteem boosters because they make you feel really intelligent.

I can’t think of where those places are for me at the moment because my brain just farted so here’s a list of places where I feel like a total idiot:

 

 

1. The Apple Store.

I used to have an anti-Apple stance.

But I confess, I bought an apple syringe and injected myself with the Kool-Aid and now I’ll never go back to Windows or BBM’s. But Apple isn’t perfect and like all technology, at some point, maintenance is required and I visit the “Genius Bar”.

I’m obviously not a genius because:

A) Geniuses fix their own computers

B) I’m to0 pretty.

Hence I proceed feel inferior, dumb, and vulnerable and when they hand me a scary $800 quote under fluorescent lighting, yea, idiot pretty much covers it.

Bwahahahaha! I’m a genius, dammit!

 

2. The Gym

I hate the gym.

I go to the gym, but I hate the gym.

The gym actually keeps my former exercise addiction at bay because when I’d overexercise, I’d get self conscious and its just fucking weird seeing a skinny girl on a treadmill for 5 hours. But everyone at the gym thinks they’re “experts”. When I pick up a set of weights, the trainers eye-judge me and they don’t correct my form because I know what good form is, they just think they know a better move.

“Bicep curls? That’s SO 1990! These days we do this twisty thing with a rope suspended from that wall while flinging a kettle bell towards the sky whilst twisting your torso like you’re a mermaid!”

That’s OK. I’ll remain clueless and walk around with flabby arms.

 

3. The Hospital

Having lost both of my parents to cancer, the hospital is far too familiar.

And I always feel like a moron when I’m in one. Never mind that fact that its filled with doctors that think and probably do know everything.

Its so pristine, and organized, and I feel like I’ll break something or someone just by thinking about something weird. Also, everyone is in a pissy mood in the hospital and thus, a common place to talk down to someone.

 

4. Google

The internet in general is a cesspool of insecurity.

But leave it to google to make you feel like a total dumb-ass. Google reminds me I have no sense of direction, that I can’t speel for shite.

Ahh google, you’re right again!

 

5. A Store Where I Can’t Afford to Buy Anything.

Sales associates have this ability to sniff people like me out. People that have that”Fuck-I-can’t-afford-shit-at-this-store” face.

I don’t know why I feel like an idiot at the this store, but it seems like everyone at these sorts of store has a higher level of education or at least a legacy or something that made them ostentatious and rich. Plus, I don’t know how to pronounce the designer names when I probably speak better french than anybody at the store.

sounds cheap to me.

 

Where do you feel like your brain farts or abandons you altogether? Which atmosphere’s or people make you feel the most insecure?

 

 

I’ve realized its been far too long without recipe posting and a lot of it is due to the fact that I’ve been traveling a lot this past month and have a whole new set of responsibilities now that my father is gone. But I promise to have more in the near future now that I’m back. So today, I have a “sorta” recipe because its not really recipe. Its more like an “idea”

(PS, I hate it when people think they have a “recipe”and it ends up being stirring together some oatmeal and peanut butter or whatever).

So I was lucky to get invited to a wonderful lunch at a Ranch not far from LA.

I’m so shallow that I’m only friends with other beautiful people.

 

Since I’m afraid of the calories in real soda, I naturally ordered a diet coke. The bartender/waiter (not sure who put the drinks together) accidentally put lavender in my drink because they have a lavender cocktail on their menu and the guy messed up or was stoned or whatever.

Anyhow, I decided to try it anyway and I just thought I’d share with you the simple “idea”:

 

Lavender Coke (or Diet Coke if calories scare you)

-Coke

-Lavender

Open can.

 

Directions

1. Pour Coke.

2. Sprinkle lavender.

3. Boom.

It makes your farts smell good too!

Your burps will smell wonderful.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Nikki August 22, 2012 at 7:26 am

American Apparel makes me feel very small…it’s like all the employees and shoppers know that I will not look good in neon teal leggings and high top sneakers.

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Kristina August 22, 2012 at 7:46 am

I thought this said “Lavender Cake,” which is very different from “Lavender Coke” but both are probably tasty! Places that intimidate me include any and all corporate headquarters, which is somewhat ironic since I work in one, albeit one that is pretty laid back. It takes a considerable amount of effort for me to act all highly professional and surpress my normal sarcastic nature, and when I’m in an unfamiliar environment which requires these things, I tend to panic.

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Eden August 22, 2012 at 8:44 am

corporate anything scares me because I feel like I’m nothing without a briefcase.

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Missy August 22, 2012 at 7:54 am

I’d feel stupid in California – anywhere out of the South actually. I’m very self conscious of my accent and don’t feel my “etiquette” is up to par. I really really wanted to go to the Blend Retreat, but then it grew gigantic and all of these big name bloggers were going so I said no way. I’d have really felt like a fish out of water! Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it was such a success for them. But I had hoped for smaller group and more non bloggers like me. But I’d feel really small and dumb there or other similar functions.

Where does one find lavender that would go in food? Or would the actual flower work? :)

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Eden August 22, 2012 at 8:45 am

I think they sell dried up lavender in whole foods in spice section but if youve got a plant outside that hasn’t had pesticides used on it, why not?

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Melissa August 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

OMG! I feel the same about every one of those except for the hospital and google. I feel just WAY too intimidated to go to the Apple Store or Neiman Marcus. I don’t know, I think its just my own insecurities about status and the fact that I am poor.
I used to feel really insecure at the gym. Constantly comparing myself to other girls and always trying to “top their” workout. But I am honestly getting over it. Ever since I let go of that paranoia, I am actually able to just be there and workout and not be so preoccupied with being the best. I actually like the gym (yes, because it burns calories and it makes me look better) but also because it does relieve a lot of my anxiety. Lifting weights really helps. But yeah, fuck those people at the gym. Old school exercises are efficient.

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Ellen August 22, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I tend to feel dumb at parties-socially dumb anyway. I can be really bad at being flirty and banter-y and I accidentally launch into topics that are probably too heavy to be party talk.

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eve August 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm

i always feel judged at the gym… But i try to get over it by judging other people. Really, im not a horrible person, but eveyone is doing it.

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umbrellasr4sissies August 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Dig the diet cola redux!!! it’s sorta like when they put lavender in earlgrey tea; some companies do, anyway.

reading your blog, um hmm.-makes me feel intelligent! using the drat internet as a whole, though is a tad daunting,

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