A Goodbye Letter To My Boobs

by Eden on April 6, 2014

In a few hours, I will be getting a preventative double mastectomy as I carry a gene that puts me at an 87% chance of developing cancer. A mastectomy would reduce my chances to less than 5%.

Here’s my farewell letter to my boobs.

Dear boobs,


But before we part, I would like to thank you.

Thanks for growing in (even if it was a little late).

Thank you for making me feel sexy and attractive.

Thank you for scoring me free drinks.

Thank you for distracting guys and sparing me awkward eye-contact with them.

Thank you for being squishy and providing a pillow for pets and past boyfriends.

Thank you nipples, for telling me when it’s cold. You guys are the more reliable than any weather app.

Thank you cleavage, for catching stray snacks. I’ll never forget that one time I dropped an M&M and you caught it so perfectly.

However, dear boobs, we must part.

I know this may sound shocking to you, as you haven’t tried to kill me yet, but I know you’re planning on it.

Like the boobs of all the women in my family, you are beautiful, but deadly. Breast cancer has taken away my mother and grandmother.

I can’t let it take me.

I need to live a long and healthy life, because my parents didn’t get that chance.

I will not fall into the pattern of my family. I will be the pioneer, I will dodge that breast cancer bullet.

You will be replaced by two implants that I hope I’ll learn to love just as much as I’ve loved you.

Actually come to think of it….this isn’t really a goodbye, more like a swap.

I will continue using my cleavage to get free stuff.

I will still be feminine and hopefully still feel sexy.

I thought saying goodbye would be a lot harder

I’ll even try not to call my new boobs “fake” because children that are adopted aren’t called “fake children”.

I guess I’m just saying goodbye to the boobs I was born with.

We’ve had a good run, but I’ve got a life to live and no room for cancer in it.




Peace out,


(To learn more about my gene mutation and what a preventative mastectomy entails, I suggest you read Angelina Jolie’s New York Time Op-Ed and see Time Magazine’s “Portraits of Women Who Outplayed Cancer” )








First Podcast Episode: Jury Duty

by Eden on October 13, 2013

I’ve always wanted to produce my own podcast and now I can say I actually did it.

I wanted to dedicate a blog post to talking about how this podcast came to fruition and what it’s about.

I called the podcast “Grown Up School” because it’s about stuff grown ups have to deal with, but they never really teach it to you unless you’re a professional. Each episode I will being in a guest comedian and an expert on the episode’s topic. In the future, I plan on doing topics like taxes, debt, renter’s rights, marriage, divorce, car problems, and so on. If you have anything you’d like to know more about, please let me know and I will try to find an expert an do an episode on it. My goal is for it to be comedic yet informative.

This first episode is about jury duty. I talked with a legal adviser if it’s possible to get out of it, what are the best ways, what happens if you ignore your summons and more inquiries I had on the subject. You can check it out here and download it on itunes here.

Before the next episode, I’ll post the topic here on the blog and you can post any questions you have for expert and I’ll ask the expert on the podcast.

Alright, that’s all I got. Hope you enjoy the podcast, please excuse the poor mic quality, I promise I’ll get better as I practice.


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Questions For My Deceased Parents

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Things I’m No Longer Ashamed Of

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How To Be Terrible

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As I do more and more stand up comedy, I’ve come to learn that you need to get used to being terrible before being fantastic. But as I reflect on my life thus far, this is true about most things: Babies wobble around like drunks before they can walk. When I was in school, I […]

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